Saturday, April 30, 2005


It's hard to know where to start really. But then, everything seems to be taken for granted. It's hard to remember, that it's the little things that count more. And many little things there's been, only to be overshadowed by a molehill that shouldn't even be there.

Karma works in many ways; fate cannot be avoided. Even though things could have been different with just the right amount of effort in the opposite direction, karma would still find a way to put the bite in things. What's done is done. Don't dwell on it. By trying to justify the need for mistakes, the ones that were close become the victims of undirected scorn.

But it's okay isn't it? They can always be replaced with others who just would love to shower attention on a battered ego. There's always someone out there to rescue the hapless damsel in distress. Friendship should never be viewed as a bargaining chip, but everyone has a breaking point. There is no regret for effort, but a little thank you would be nice once in a while.

Favors are exactly that. Nothing is expected in return. But just because they are given doesn't mean that it's to be taken for granted. The best has been offer on a silver platter, but effort must be made by the individual as well. How long can one survive on charity before needing to return favors instead? How many people out there are really as good natured as one might think them to be? To be too proud to admit weakness only brings doom and despair.

The ball is out of play now. A new set is to be served maybe? On a different court, with a different player. From what's been seen, maybe a different method of play would be more beneficial? Metaphors from an addled mind indeed.

You don't succeed cause you hesitate
You think we're fly
But we levitate
Just be yourself
Don't ask us why
'Cause if you don't we'll make you fly

You can't be me
I'm a Rock Star
I'm rhyming on the top of a cop car
I'm a rebel and my .44 pops far
It's almost over now
It's almost over now

N.E.R.D. - Rockstar.

Indeed. It's almost over now isn't it.

Thursday, April 28, 2005


Yes I'm horny. I've been (overly) horny for the past 2 days. Work doesn't help much in getting my mind off things since we just installed Playboy Mansion in every machine in the northern outlets. Hugh Hefner the man indeed.

Maybe it's the head cold that's gotten the hormones into overload. Everyone is horny all the time after all, tis only whether or not they dare to admit it. But when you're sick, your lymph nodes have a tendency to just overdo it with the hormones. Maybe it's the body's way of saying, " You need to get it out of yo system f00!"

Right. Maybe.

And no, wanking's not an option >.< At least not at the moment. Might cause erm embarassing situations and all that. Righttttttttttt. The playlist ain't helping much either. Hell, I'm amazing myself with my tolerance level these days. I hope it's not a sign of old age.

Once again, dammit.

Baby, just shake ya ass till you spread on the floor
I noticed that your ass too big for your draws
You need a - a chiropractor just to marry yo ass
To tell the truth you need a tractor just to carry yo ass
Fo reala, you motherfuckers probably think that I'm playing
All bitches love to talk and all that other shit I be saying
And going hmm, see how you putting it down
I love the way you shake it throw it around

Move girl I'll light your ass on fire - I'll light your ass on fire
Move girl I'll light your ass on fire - Bitch I'll light that ass on fire
Move girl I'll light your ass on fire

Busta Rhymes feat Pharell - Light Your Ass On Fire.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

The Emancipation of Peepee.

Right. Just when I was about to blog my mind, Capes hijacks it by showing off his new webcam. It's really quite an interesting model. For it's price, it's certainly doing better than my Logitech at home. And hell lotta cheaper too. Of course, having that new toy just brought out the camwhore in him, and as expected, the session did include the customary nipple shots, light tests, and mooning. If he had someone to teabag he would've. I gotta get me one of them cams, heh.

Anyway, I've been clocking an insane schedule lately. Uber workloads punctuated by a couple hours of sleep in between has become the norm now. And in between that, I had to do the full marathon for the bloody IRS today. Fucktards in the goverment really.
*ding* Please go to the 4th floor. The lift only has like 200 people waiting for it so feel free to use the stairs.

*ding* You will need revenue stamps but our stamping office has closed. Please get them from the nearest post office thank you.

Runs down stairs to the GPO and back.

*ding* You got the stamps? Good. Why didn't you get it verified at the Commissioner of Oaths first? I can't get it stamped if it's not.....

*Runs off to the Commission of Oaths office and back*

*ding* Very good. Now take this up to the 11th floor. Oh, the lifts aren't working by the way. Have a nice day.

*Starts beating Tudungfied counter clerk, then runs up to the 11th floor before the guards realize what's going on.*

*ding* This form is not meant for here. You'll have to take it to the ASNB building in Butterworth.

So tomorrow, I need to cross into the mainland, collect the necessary documents, and then come back and turn them in. Suddenly it sounds like a World of Warcraft quest gone wrong. Dammit.

Oh and I can only get it done AFTER I finish up with Sungai Dua's machines later. So once again, I'm looking at maybe err 2 hours of sleep time if I'm lucky. At least I'm off on Thursday, so that would give me some much needed downtime.

Or maybe not. Come to think of it, I haven't been lucky in a while, so why should it be now?

I needed to believe something
I need you to believe in something
I needed to believe

Chemical Brothers - Believe.

Sunday, April 24, 2005


Karma has once again decided to remind me of her existence. From the most basic reasonings of Cause and Effect, to the anarchic Chaos Theory, karma is simply put, a case of what goes around comes around. The irony of it all indeed.

It's always the little things that matter. Different windows would open and close, all due to timing. For the first time in years, I had a blackout. I guess it's probably due to too many things rolled up into one; pulling 2 12 hr shifts back to back, chain smoking Samporna Fukin As, trying to sooth my really sore throat with Chivas, and not sleeping; just to name a few plausible reasons. Thing is, last time I suffered from blackouts was when I was a realllly heavy drinker. Dammit. Last thing I need these days is a relapse. :P

Anyway, things would have gone so much different if it wasn't for the blackout. How interesting that little details like not bringing the housekeys, or not noticing a miss call, can bring about life altering moments and decisions. Considering that it's 8.30am and I STILL haven't gotten sleep, just stresses the need for me to get this off my mind.

My conscience is killing me, for what may unfold soon. I can't help but feel the slight feeling of fucking up again. Just once though, I'd like a feel good fuck up. Oh well. Wishful thinking indeed. I still feel trapped between my past and limbo. Deja vu sucks.

I wonder if I take you home,
Would you still be in love baby.

Black Eyed Peas - Don't Funk With My Heart.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005


It's one thing to have so much control that it can border on stupidity. Already last night's suppering turned into an infamous round table session, thanks to Capes` and Sun's overindulgence in killinkennys. As expected, the numero uno question popped up, as would happen to anyone else in the circle with fresh meat laying around. Stopping Capes cold was just the matter of the right answer, but Sun on the other hand just loves to dig into various layers of infomation; kinda like a mole on a sugar high. As usual, round table sessions would always be kept at the table, but they're still entertaining, regardless of your alcohol level.

It's another thing though to have a hot female who's had too much to drink and to openly admit that she needs some, and to NOT do jack shit cept tuck her in and make sure that she doesn't hurl in her sleep. Which kinda explained her 'dissapearance', prolly due to her being captured by martians and subjected to a body cavity search. Or something to that effect. Not that I don't like drunk sex.

Hell, the last time I had drunk sex, it rocked was so hot, it permanently branded inself into the annals of my memory. Even the slight trigger of that memory just gets errr... nevermind. Bad enough I haven't wanked for weeks. I suppose there's the honourable part in me of not going for the low blow. And all that.

Abd since there wasn't a french maid uniform or cowboy hat involved, that's probably why I decided to instead ship back to work and chalk up 102 honourable kills while stomping their beloved Mill to the ground. At least I get to tangkap meself in the new armour that just screams bondage. Dammit, that's why we end up playing female characters in games like that.

Oh. I hear there's a french maid uniform in there just waiting to be discovered. ;)

But for now,

This shit is bananas,

Gwen Stefani - Hollaback Girl.


Is it human nature to be so cruel ? Or maybe I have just become so complacent with life that I'm willing to subject myself to all its deprivation. Karma has a way of working things out. I am not good natured, I am a pushover. As female as this sounds, it sucks being taken for granted at times. At times it's just a case of history repeating. To be taken advantage of the same way again and again. Like a cheap whore that analized and still comes back for more.

Yet this is one of the rare times which I do bitch about it. As they say, have a coke and a smile. I'll be okay. After all, aren't I always? I don't ask for much. Maybe to be treated like a human being would be nice once in a while. Sure I got it all stacked against me; I'm fat. ugly, bespectacled, and have malay blood running through my veins. Oh. And I whine too much too. Sucks to be me innit?

But life goes on regardless. It won't stop me from being me. No matter how repulsive me is. Karma works both ways after all. Kinda the note below, which was found on one of the cars parked outside of the cafe. What goes around comes around after all.

I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibi
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

The Killers - Mr. Brightside.

Amazing what ads you can find on cars these days. Posted by Hello

Tuesday, April 19, 2005


I love your smell on my pillow. It relaxes the mind yet excites the spirit. And entices the imagination.

Attentions killing
But the ride is thrilling
But you can't help going again

What you want is what you don't know
Turn me on and watch your ego
What you want is what you don't need
Stand up when your talking to me

Kylie - Giving You Up

Honestly, how many ways can you girls make a guy nosebleed. >.<


Along with part last week's posts from Friendster's failed attempts of a decent blog, I shalt let my seeds continue to spew forth over here instead. And then some. I still can't spend time around the house in nothing anymore. What a lost luxury. The perils of having a hot housemate indeed. Well I suppose it's a good way to end the Monday. French maid and all ;)

Let's see if it gets better today, or will karma come and kick me hard in the nuts ( again).

Long ago
Just like the hearse, you died to get in again
We are so far from you

Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate
The lives of everyone you know
And what's the worst you take, from every heart you break
And like a blade you stain
Well, I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I could say
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long not goodnight

My Chemical Reaction - Helena.

Monday, April 18, 2005


a quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog and promptly got gunned down with his gangta hommies.