Tuesday, May 30, 2006


Stupid me. To have a plethora emotions swirl in me, drowning me even deeper in myself. To have what's left of me torn apart by opposing emotions. Love/hate. Empathic/Indifference.. Rage/Calm. Part of me wants to see you so bad, maybe one last time. Another part of me doesn't want you to see me like this. Yet another wants you to be happy. And another wants to just rage.

And when emotions fail, logic sets in. The same logic that decides that it's best to avoid confrontation. And the same logic which thinks that disassociation is a much better option to preserve the fraility beneath. Yet it's the very same logic that keeps me isolated and lonely, letting what lies beneath yearn for an escape from this prison which is now me.

Thus I numb myself again. And again. And again.

Yang baru kusedari
Kau tinggalkanku
Tanpa sebab yang pasti
Sesuatu yang harusnya terjadi
Kau sakiti aku
Kau yang harus kubenci

Tetapi tak dapat kumengerti

Ku mencari sesuatu yang telah pergi
Ku mencari hati yang kubenci
Ku mencari sesuatu yang tak kembali
Ku mencari hati yang kubenci

Ku mencari
Ketap tak dapat kutemui
Ku mencari hati yang kubenci

Peter Pan - Diatas Normal.


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