Friday, April 21, 2006


The rain helped. To be drenched by it has washed away uncertainties. To have it wash away the plague that's been festering in my mind and soul. And yours, as I watch you smile while the rain beats down on your face.

I have stepped out of line. With my little requests. And my consistent nagging. To see you truly happy with the rain, pleases me as well.

I realize that I almost slipped back to my zealous ways. To be blindly driven with total disregard of anything but the righteous cause. My cause. Almost. And then I remember, that I have no right to. To act like that would make me no better than him.

I am nothing after all in this equation. No opinion, no voice, no consequence. You have your duty to fufill. Regardless of what I think. And you looked so happy then as you left, that maybe it's not as bad as I make it to be at times.

I am an outsider. Looking in through the peephole. Wrong that I am a voyeur, yet curious to see the outcome of things. And each time I look, I tend to hurt myself more. Yet I continue.

At least I feel. And I do not regret. He must be lucky at least for the chance to keep you warm after the cold downpour. And you could use the warmth that is afforded to you. It's a nice warm fuzzy feeling. At least I have memories of such moments from my past.

I smile unconciously. You ask, why do I do what I do, even though it's wrong. I guess, I feel the need to. It makes you happy, even though you protest vehemently. Your eyes say it all. And I get lost in them so often nowdays.

Sometimes it takes an act of God to wake one up.

There's never a wrong one after all.

I have seen peace. I have seen pain,
Resting on the shoulders of your name.
Do you see the truth through all their lies?
Do you see the world through troubled eyes?
And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend.

James Blunt - Cry.