Sunday, July 10, 2005

Echoes.

All the subtle flavours of my life
have become bitter seeds
and poisoned leaves
without you

You represent what's true
I drain the colour from the sky
And turn blue
without you

These arms lack a purpose
Flapping like a humming-bird
I'm nervous 'cause
I'm the left eye
you're the right
Would it not be madness to fight

We come one

In you the song which rights my wrongs
In you the fullness of living
The power to begin again
From right now, in you

We come one

I'm unafraid
never never scared
Worries washed
pressed and aired
I am the left eye
you're the right
Would it not be madness to fight

We come one.

Faithless - We Come One.

I have been absent from the blogging scene for many reasons. The main one being work + World of Warcraft. The other would be a lack of inspiration. My life after all, has finally settled into routine. Work, dinner, work, WoW, work, breakfast, bathe, work. Feel free to insert sleep anywhere within that routine. My off days consist of sleep, and the customary movie session of the week. Occasionally I dabble with my car, have numerous attempts at cleaning the apartment, or actually have dinner with a real life female, or not.

Danny though has gotten my mind going again, as our last talk allowed me to reflect on my past these last 5 years. I turn 30 next month. I don't feel it, but I can't ignore it either. Ten years ago, I was planning my life out; to be married by 26 to the love of my life. I was an idealist. I thought I had everything in the books, except for one thing; I wasn't mature enough for life. Needless to say shit happened, with me being the cause of it most of the time. I crashed myself into a downward spiral that would last for years. And I let so many things go by me again during that phase.

I was blinded by my own self pity that I couldn't see love when it came to me. It seems that all the women that mattered in my life went down the same road; they moved on to KL and got married ( or as married as one can get). My regret, if any, was that the partings were never on good terms. My 'all or nothing' mentality fucked up any chance of a friendship, as much as I long for that now. And life moved on without me during those years.

What's the point of letting all this out now? Think of it as an revelation. There is nothing more for me to hide. No mental prison for me to rot in. Redemption is beyond reach.

All I can say is, I'm sorry.

6 Comments:

Blogger xsapph said...

Hy there at least you have the decency, honesty and courage to face up to yourself, and I am certain this is the first step towards better self awareness and maybe you can find a way to deal with the holding patterns (we all have them in different areas) to move forward.

Good luck on your quest for love!

July 16, 2005 10:55 AM  
Anonymous Rom said...

Indeed. Although I never realized that other people would stumble upon my blog :)

thx for the comment. :)

July 17, 2005 9:52 AM  
Blogger i'mnotawriter said...

It's okay Rommel. I thought I would be a career woman by 21 and would be able to get a car and an apartment by 24 and I'm turning 24 this year. WHat can I say? I don't see myself getting married anytime soon even after 30. Feel better. *hugs*
Like your faithless CD? :)

July 19, 2005 8:23 AM  
Anonymous Rom said...

yes flo faithless roxxors. :D
how come i haven't seen you around much?

July 19, 2005 11:16 AM  
Blogger i'mnotawriter said...

I just got back from KL, will be there today and prolly after that you won't see me for another week - will be taking a trip to Jakarta.

July 19, 2005 9:40 PM  
Blogger reapies said...

Harlo, bitch!

Well as long as you don't strip in front of the camera its okay...

Hang in there d00d. WoW-wee Junior Juss!

July 25, 2005 8:30 PM  

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