The Last Moment Of Clarity.

Sunday Morning Empathy.

2009-07-18T18:00:00.000-07:00

I Burned
Was me
No self defense as I was deep
Enclosed
With walls
A room that makes
me feel so small
And though I'm still
Alive sometimes against my will
You see this state of mind
I'm conscience but I'm blind
I want much more
But different things
could be in store
For me I guess
To see if one could pass the test
A dream but real
Shadows haunting me to steal
My Blood,
My Air
The things inside
that make me care

Falling Falling,
Running Running,
Flowing Flowing,
Drifting Away

Ashley Wallbridge ft Meighan Nealon - My Blood

Going the Distance.

2009-05-07T20:26:00.002-07:00

What happened yesterday in Perak just was one very nasty wake up call. There is no vision for 1Malaysia. That 1BlackMalaysia happened instead, leaves the blood boiling instead. That the city that I grew up in turned into a police state, leaves me dumbstruck. How can this be happening in our country after all?

But then again, it's happening all over the country. Suddenly, the police have a longer reach. But instead of using it to protect the citizens, they've opted for gestapo like methods instead. Instead of cracking down on robberies and such, I see them harassing foreign workers instead. Or pulling over citizens with threats of fines and jail terms just because they have a dvd/cd that they can't identify? The police state is suddenly becoming a very near reality.

And so, I'm asked once again by people if I'm gonna leave the country. Like so many others. This country is going downhill they tell me. I can't agree with them more. From the gestapo-like police, to the racist education system, to the alarming flipflop stands on religion, it's all going wrong. It's a government that doesn't listen to its people and instead adopts a father-knows-best regime.

But i tell them no. I'm not gonna leave.

I'm not running.

This is supposed to be OUR country. Where US Malaysians are supposed to live happily ever after. Maybe I'm an idealist when I choose instead to believe that one day, we can all fill in Malaysian under race. Or that my children will not have religion forced upon them and instead choose to adopt my beliefs.

So instead, I choose to stay.

And FIGHT.

Because after everything, May 7th Perak is a very rude awakening. And as much as I think that things will be resolved peacefully, that's just a fairytale ending.

Because at the rate things are going, blood will flow. And when we cannot take all the pushing anymore, we will push back.

And it will get ugly.

This is not over, in fact, it's just the beginning of the end.

Time to bring out that deckchair and watch the world burn.

The Crystal Method feat Matisyahu - Drown In The Now

2009-05-07T20:26:00.001-07:00

Bleach Opening 10 Subbed

2009-04-20T23:48:00.001-07:00

Ne-Yo - Mad

2009-02-24T23:03:00.001-08:00

Too true indeed.

Rise Up!

2009-02-06T07:16:00.000-08:00

I'll make it short and sweet. Let our voices be heard. It doesn't matter if you're from Perak or not. The fact of the matter is that it can happen to us as well. This is NOT a challenge to the Monarchy. Rather, this is a plea for justice. A plea to defend our voice, the people.

Do the right thing hommes. Sign the petition here!

Just in case you missed it, A Plea to Defend the Voice of the People!

Now!
The writing's on a wall
It won't go away
It's an Omen
You just run out of automation
Now!

The Prodigy - Omen

UNKLE - Burn My Shadow

2009-01-12T18:05:00.001-08:00

I have burned my tomorrows
And I stand inside today
At the edge of the future
And my dreams all fade away

And burn my shadow away

I faced my destroyer
I was ambushed by a lie
And you judged me once for falling
This wounded heart arise

And burn my shadow away

Ludacris Ft.T-Pain-One More Drink

2009-01-11T21:16:00.001-08:00

It's just so me.

Propellerheads - History Repeating (1997)

2009-01-09T19:30:00.001-08:00

It's All Just A Simple Case of History Repeating.

2009-01-09T18:12:00.001-08:00

If it were only that simple however. But there are indeed unseen hands that guide our path. On a day like this, where I get stuck covering a shift, is when I stumble upon emails exchanged that were thought to be lost. And from reading them, I can't help but see the similarities between the words exchanged then, and the ones recently. The same road taken. The same end results. Makes me wonder why haven't I removed that huge tree that has sealed off that path for so long.

And on that note.

It's time to bring all the pieces of myself back together. For divided as we are, we can do nothing but fall.

Again and again.

I'm curious though just how many of mes are there out there, and within. How many are still missing in limbo.

And which one will be the dominating presence. That I suppose is what I've been fearing most.

For in the end, I am indeed my own worst enemy.

The word is about, there's something evolving,
whatever may come, the world keeps revolving
They say the next big thing is here,
that the revolution's near,
but to me it seems quite clear
that it's all just a little bit of history repeating

The newspapers shout a new style is growing,
but it don't know if it's coming or going,
there is fashion, there is fad
some is good, some is bad
and the joke is rather sad,
that its all just a little bit of history repeating

.. and I've seen it before
.. and I'll see it again
.. yes I've seen it before
.. just little bits of history repeating

The Propellerheads feat. Shirley Bassey - History Repeating.

Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek Live.

2009-01-01T16:23:00.001-08:00

Merry Go Round.

2009-01-01T16:12:00.000-08:00

Saying no to you.
Was the hardest thing.
That I've ever done.

Twas necessary however.
For us both to heal.
And to rediscover ourselves.

If I had said yes.
We would only be back where we started.
None the wiser.

It was a vicious cycle.
And it needed to be broken.
Doesn't mean I don't love you.

where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just begun to form
crop circles in the carpet
sinking feeling

spin me round again
and rub my eyes,
this can't be happening
when busy streets amass with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
all those years
they were here first

Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek.

Robbie Williams Come Undone.

2008-12-31T16:20:00.001-08:00

The Eagle Hath Landed.

2008-12-31T15:48:00.000-08:00

Time seems to just fly by these days. It's already 2009, a year that geomancers, feng-shui masters, astrologers and financial analysts say will be the worst year for this decade. The world economy is falling into recession. Mediums are advising against marriage this year. Multinational firms are planning to lay off thousands, but locally and abroad. A rather bleak picture that's being painted don't you think?

Which is why I choose this year to actually make resolutions.

Yes I know, I've always said that resolutions are a waste of time. The last time I made them was back in 2000 where it got placed in a bottle to be sent out to sea, and only to watch them shatter in a drain due to a ahem bad throw.

But the ones I'm making this year are aimed at simplifying life as it is, as you'll soon see.

So on with the resolutions then.

1. Hit the ground running.
Too long I've been doing things half heartedly. This time I'm charging into 2009 with the intention of finishing what I start. No more leaving behind paper trails, excess emotional baggage, and the like. It's time for me to clear out that Dead Nigga Storage Room in the back.

2. Leave No Man Behind.
Yes, as much as I do enjoy watching burning bridges, I've decided that I shouldn't be leaving anyone behind, be it friend, foe or exes. Just because they do it, doesn't mean that I should too. 2008 has seen too many left behind, be it bro or ho. As SuperGodMasterForce says, 'It ain't nothing but a thang.'

3. No Quarter Given.
It's time to take care of number one this year. So it's no more mister nice guy. If it means playing hardball with those bigger than me, so be it. Sorry, but I ain't a doormat no more.

and lastly,

4. To Live.
Simple isn't it. To live life. To stop and smell the roses. To get in touch with myself time and time again. To enjoy doing what I do. To learn a new thing everyday. To regain my passion for my loves in life.

I guess it's true. To rebuild oneself, you gotta first break yourself down totally.

Salut.

So unimpressed but so in awe
Such a saint but such a whore
So self aware so full of shit
So indecisive so adamant

I'm contemplating thinking about thinking
It's overrated just get another drink and
Watch me come undone

So rock and roll, so corporate suit
So damn ugly, so damn cute
So well-trained, so animal
So need your love, so fuck you all

I'm not scared of dying
I just don't want to
If I stopped lying I'd just disappoint you
I come undone

Robbie Williams - Come Undone.

Plink.

2008-12-14T18:06:00.002-08:00

A heart that's full up like a landfill,
a job that slowly kills you,
bruises that won't heal.
You look so tired-unhappy,
bring down the government,
they don't, they don't speak for us.
I'll take a quiet life,
a handshake of carbon monoxide,

with no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises,
Silence, silence.

This is my final fit,
my final bellyache,

with no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises please.

Such a pretty house
and such a pretty garden.

No alarms and no surprises (get me outta here),
no alarms and no surprises (get me outta here),
no alarms and no surprises, please.

Radiohead - No Surprises.

Radiohead - No Surprises HQ

2008-12-14T18:06:00.001-08:00

Conclusions.

2008-12-04T03:23:00.000-08:00

We're driving slow
Through the snow
On fifth avenue
And right now radio's
All that we can hear

Man we ain't talked since we left
It's so overdue
It's cold outside
But between us its worse in here

The world slows down
But my heart beats fast right now
I know this is the part
Where the end starts

I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through my fingers

I don't want to try now
All that's lefts goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you

I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here

Everyday seven takes of the same old scheme
Seems we're bound by the laws of the same routine
Gotta talk to you now fore we go to sleep
But will we sleep once I tell you its hurting me

The world slows down
But my heart beats fast right now
I know this is the part where the end starts

I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through my fingers

I don't want to try now
All that's lefts goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you

I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here

I know you'll ask me to hold on
And carry on like nothings wrong
But there is no more time for lies
Cause I see the sunset in your eyes

I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers

I don't want to try now
All that's lefts goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you

I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
And I just can't take these tears
I hate this part right here

PM Dawn - Looking Through Patient Eyes

2008-12-04T00:47:00.001-08:00

The Dawn.

2008-12-04T00:42:00.000-08:00

Whatever it is I do, I try to think about you.
I have a love for you that nothing hides.
Whatever it is I do, I'm only thinking of you.
I hope you look at me through patient eyes.

I've become amused.
I've become blind.
I've become what I know not breathes.
You seem illiterate to all my emotions.
I stand corrected, how well you read.
You speak the truth, you speak the me.
You feel the love I have yet to find.
I know it's there, I know it's there.
But I let the sandcastles kill my mind.
Pathetic me, I long to be you.
I think I'm close but i stand so far.
The turbulent one sheds a turbulent tear.
I miss the Love only 'cause they starve'.
Oil and water, lust and sympathy.
I life and death my way through the sun.
Where originates all the pain that leaves,
My memory a traumatic sponge and sings to you.

Well define my love with attitude.
Open up your mind and it will sing to you.
You can always tell.
But I know remorse so well.
I left reality early due to the lack of love... reason.

Whatever it is I do, I try to think about you.
I have a love for you that nothing hides.
Whatever it is I do, I'm only thinking of you.
I hope you look at me through patient eyes.

The channel, a professional liar.
How I long to contradict those vibes.
Joni help me, I think I'm falling.
It's not the love and I quest the why.
I don't know, If I'm right, I'm right.
But if I'm wrong then show me I'm wrong.
The fear of pity is always awake.
But infinite sympathy is completely gone.
It's the windows, the doors, the passageways to the truth.
Oh my god, it echoes the mind.
In total recall as wild as the deuce.
And so deceiving is the clouded heart.
So superficial is the open wound.
I caress the infinite light.
That even at night overshadows the moon that sings to you.

Well, define my love, that lives with in you.
Even when I die, it will sing to you.
You can only tell if remorse has done you well...
The misconstrued my answers due to the
lack of love... reason.

Whatever it is I do, I try to think about you.
I seek the sympathy and I can't lie.
Whatever it is I Do, I'm only thinkin' of you.
I hope you look at me through patient eyes.

P.M. Dawn - Looking Through Patient Eyes.

Army.

2008-03-21T11:11:00.000-07:00

Just a preview of the latest Bleach episode. The top 3 Espada, Halibel, Barragan and Stark. Yeah, Espada Duo has a name after all. Too bad we still have to deal with the Ichigo vs Ulquiorra battle to settle first though.

That's gonna take another 10 episodes. :/

Potong only.

Invasion.

2008-03-14T09:42:00.000-07:00

***warning! Spoiler ahead****

Now I started late with the Bleach manga and anime, but managed to catch up rather quick within the last 6 months. Early this morning, I got my hands on the online version of the latest chapter and it got my all giddy with anticipation. From the looks of it, it's starting look like the beginning of the end for the series, as the pace starts to pick up again, with Aizen pulling his trump card, without realizing that the Gotei 13 might be just one step ahead after all. I guess pictures always work better.

And of course the climax building last page.

After waiting for so long for Kenpachi's fight to finish only to be disappointed that the bastard refuses to shinkai, let alone bankai, the possibilities for the upcoming season seems endless. From Kurosaki Sr. to Ukitake and Kyoraku's twin blades, to Uruhara unleashed, to the remaining of the Espada, to the intervention of the Vizard army, it'll all boil down to the next 20 chapters or so. I guess when it's all over, Bleach can finally progress to its next chapter (which would number by the hundreds again).

Let's hope it doesn't do a One Piece though >.<

I try to escape before my shadow is fully cast.
Flying away, not bothering to notice my wings have fallen off.
A sweet scent from far, far away drifts across the street corner.
And I hear a familiar voice crying out.
How much father can we make it, with only the night wind's fleeting hopes to carry us?
The world trembles like it wants to stop us,
Taking everything away
I'm not dreaming any more,
And we haven't done anything yet, but still we'll keep going!

Asian Kung-fu Generation - After Dark (translated)

Tales of Two Cities.

2008-03-13T13:07:00.000-07:00

I buy the papers daily to see if there's enough news in there to entertain me and make my RM1.20 worth it. All the while, it's been bizarre stories about incestuous twins, and giant hogs, or even dismembered body parts ( or step by step guides to blowing up Mongolian Models). Pre-election time however, put me off newspapers due to the bullshit being laid so damn thick by the pro-government media. It's a pity that I can't read chinese, cos the chinese dailies are always more entertaining, open and colourful.

Lately it's a different story. The media isn't sure which way to swing anymore. NST has thankfully taken a more neutral standpoint, while the Star still provides government propaganda, albeit in smaller doses. I've noticed a common theme today though. It's all about cracks in the establishment. Of course the Perak Governmental situation takes the front page, as expected. Which tabloid would pass up the chance to brown nose their way with the federal government by printing dirt on the opposition. However, the Star surprised me with some articles within. Umno Council supremo's statement that the NEP is possibly headed out the door is one.

And of course there's the other side of the coin, with our friendly neighbourhood keris-waver declaring that the death of the NEP would doom our society etc etc.

Oh, and my favourite for the day, UMNO Penang has the gall to state that ' We're not taking revenge by trying to persuade the federal government to cancel all Mega Projects' . HAHA! I don't believe they actually dare say that! Talk about playing dirty. Even in defeat, UMNO is completely clueless over how to score points with the rakyat. I would like to thank the Star also for placing a picture of those TWATS in the papers for all to see. At least we'll know who to run over now. :)

Oh and apparently, there's word that they wanna stir up trouble today. I suppose they feel offended to being on the other side of the fence now. STBT, and honestly, people like them make me ashamed of being a malay myself. Such pettiness really. :P *ignores shitslinging going on over in Perak*

It all returns to nothing, it all comes
tumbling down, tumbling down,
tumbling down,
it all returns to nothing, I just keep
letting me down, letting me down,
letting me down,
in my heart of hearts,
I know that I called never love again
I've lost everything
everything
that matters to me,
matter in this world

Neon Genesis Evangelion OST - Komm Süsser Tod

Firestarter.

2008-03-10T17:32:00.001-07:00

Yeah, they're just not learning are they? This statement here by this Champion of his race has got to be one of the most un-muhibbah thing ever. Hell, someone should slap the sedition act on him! Why does he have to incite the people just because 2 parties decide to work together to form a new state government? That's like the bully telling 2 kids of different races or religions to not play with or help each other JUST BECAUSE HE DOESN'T GET TO!

Race based politics is the thing of the past. True, people like this will keep on pimping the race card, but the people know better now. The differences between them and you mistar MCA is that when the Mat Rempit rednecks lynch you, the people who you badmouth may actually be the ones that come to your rescue. You on the other hand would spread your cheeks and take one for the team.

I'm the trouble starter, fuckin' instigator.
I'm the fear addicted, danger illustrated.

I'm a firestarter, terrific firestarter.
You're the firestarter, twisted firestarter.

The Prodigy - Firestarter.

p.s. I guess he's gonna try building castles in the sky now eh? RIP Zak. STBY.

Dust In the Rain.

2008-03-09T13:59:00.000-07:00

Turns into mud on the ground. The intensive groundwork done over the past few weeks have finally paid off. BN is left severely wounded after the latest election with major casualties taken by its race based component parties. The flagship component, UMNO, took minimal losses however, with those that lost were, well, asking for it (GOODBYE ZAM! US MONKEYS WILL MISS YOU!). Now why did all this happen? Bad timing? Racial tension? Blown up models? Inflation? How bout we go with, All of the Above?

Nah. The main reason is that the BN lost track of the ones that matter. The people. The rakyat. Us. They got arrogant in their ivory towers, and believed too much of the bullshit that their spin doctors fed us (and them). The people of Malaysia have mentally matured throughout the past 30 years. You can't treat us like children whenever we question things. I'm sorry but spanking us and sending us to our rooms might have worked back then, but definitely not now.

When the news started filtering in that Penang was lost to the Opposition around 8.15 p.m., all national media could afford was screening BN results, rather the same results, over and over for 3 hours non stop. By then Kelantan was secured by PAS, Selangor and Kedah had fallen and things werent looking too good in Perak for BN. And the country already knew about it, but was waiting with smiles on their faces for the 'official' word to arrive. And now they wanna do a post mortem about what happened.

It's simple really.

They failed to care about the rakyat, the 90% of Malaysia that put their trust in the goverment. They called us bloggers liars and monkeys. They assumed that rural people didn't know how to get on the internet, and if they did, all they used it for was to get to kampungchat or surf for porn. They put people who weren't qualified in positions that embarassed the country. They insulted NGOs and said we're GOOD compared to Nigeria. They did whatever they wanted, and even chose to try to sidestep the need for the Agung. I mean, WE'RE A FEDERAL MONARCHY FFS! And they amended the country's constitution more than 600 times! In 50 years! Sorry but I don't think our founding fathers fucked up that badly now did they?

The BN doesn't need a post-mortem. They just need to take off their rose tainted glasses and see the country for what it is. Ironically, all the propaganda that was spewed out during the elections seemed to only take effect on them and their supporters. They refused to see the signs, dismissing them as just a flash in the pan. Shouldn't opposition ceramahs that draw 10,000 people worry them? It seems the only party that saw it coming was Gerakan, and poor uncle Koh is the only one of them MAN ENOUGH to offer to step down from his position as head of Gerakan. Meanwhile, we still get statements like this about our 'beloved PM' and this about Sammyboy.

The BN just doesn't get it do they. So much for rebuilding. So much for learning from mistakes. So much for attaining wisdom from adversity. It's not about too many new faces. It's more like too many OLD ones. They've already been bitchslapped by the rakyat and lost 4 of their most developed states. Do they need their honeypots taken from them also? WAKE UP YOU SMUCKS! Out with the old and in with the new already. We almost caused a revolution. That doesn't mean it's still not gonna happen if you don't start fixing the country.

The rakyat has spoken. It's time for the goverment to listen. Until then, I'll be flying red rockets and balloons around. :)

99 dreams I have had
In every one a red balloon
It's all over and I'm standin' pretty
In this dust that was a city
If I could find a souvenier
Just to prove the world was here
And here is a red balloon
I think of you and let it go

Nena - 99 Red Balloons.

Bitter Orange.

2008-01-23T12:14:00.000-08:00

Nanimo te ni tsuganai
Shirokuru no hitomi de
Watashi wa tada hitasura
There is nothing I can do for you

Ano koro no watashi wa
Nani ni kandou shite
Nani ni manzoku shite
Jibun wo rikai shitetano

Doko ni mo ikanaide
Please don't go anywhere

Itsumo ma nika, anata wo kizu tsukete
Omoikakenai koto wo hashitteita
Amaeru kiki tsuzukenuita watashi wa
Kondo wa nani wo motomeru ka naa

Modore no ikanaide
Please don't go anymore

English.

I can't piece things together
With these eyes of black and white.
I tried my best
There is nothing I can do for you.

The way I used to be...
Something touched my heart
Something made me feel content
Did I understand myself?

Please don't go anywhere
Please don't go anywhere
I never meant to hurt you
I was running from emotions I wasn't ready for
But what am I supposed to do next time
If I don't have you to depend on?

don't go back
please don't go anymore

i know i can't walk with my eyes closed
alone.. eyes closed
i know i can't always go towards the sky
alone.. under the sky

like always, i hurt you with my words
i politely asked..
what i can reach now..
don't go anywhere anymore
please don't go anymore
let's not walk any further
please don't go anymore
don't walk more than me
let's not walk any further
i can't walk any further

Chatmonchy - Dai Dai.

Yeah I do miss you that badly. :(

Regarding Bloodelves.

2007-11-28T12:11:00.000-08:00

See! I told you they weren't that big on my toons. :( This is Harayumi by the way.

And a good song needs good lyrics.

2007-10-10T12:52:00.000-07:00

Like a sentence to death
I've got no options left
I've got nothing to show now
I'm down on the ground
I've got seconds to live
And you can't go now

Cause love, like an invisible bullet has shot me down and I'm bleeding - yeah, I'm bleeding
And if you go, furious angels will bring you back to me

You're a dirty needle
You're in my blood and there's no curing me
And I want to run
like the blood from a wound
To a place you can't see me

Cause love, like a blow to the head, has left me stunned and i'm reeling - yeah, I'm reeling
And if you go, furious angels will bring you back to me

You're a cold piece of steel between my ribs and there's no saving me
And I can't get up from this wet crimson bed that you made for me

Cause love, like a knife in the back, has cut me down and I'm bleeding - yeah, I'm bleeding
And if you go, angels will run to defend me - to defend me

Cause i can't get up
I'm as cold as a stove
I can feel the life fade from me
I'm down on the ground
I've got seconds to live
Then what's there that waits for me?

Cause love, like a sentence of death has left me stunned, and i'm reeling - yeah, i'm reeling
And if you go, furious angels will bring you back to me

Rob Dougan - Furious Angels.

Another one to add to the cut wrist collection that you hide away at home kiddies. :)

Kanji.

2007-10-02T13:52:00.000-07:00

Enjoy the silence. In the middle of the night. Where the only thing you hear is the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks below. And all that you feel is the cold night air and the spray of the sea on your face.

正しく余りにずっと再度行ったことを知っているか。
( You know that you went too far again right? )

The voice familiar; the japanese wasn't. Too much Bleach for me, I think to myself.

Yes I know that. I did expect her to hold up better. But then again I can be such an asshole eh.

いまいましい権利。それはあなたがあなたが造るまさに橋を燃やす率を驚かせている。それで余りに動いていて交通がまだ私は加えるにはかもしれない。
(Damn right. It's amazing the rate you burn the very bridges you build. With traffic still moving on it too, I might add.)

You don't need to remind me about that. I'm well aware of my brashness okay. Old habits are hard to break I suppose.

何をそれから今することを計画するか。それはあなたが水にそれの前に橋をすべての崩壊固定する時間についてある。再度。
(What do you plan to do now then? It's about time you fix the bridges before it all collapses into water. Again. )

Oh shut up already. She asked for some time to think about it all okay. I'm not about to fuck it up somemore by pushing her over the edge.

実際に彼女を願い尊重するか。それはあなたから新しい何か全くである。
(You actually respect her wishes? That is indeed something new from you.)

Oh fuck you already.

And there was no retort to that. It's all quiet again.

You think she'll come back?

私は彼女がことを望む。彼女はよいの世界結局する。実際に幸せなずっとこれであるのでしばらくある。
(I hope she does. She does you a world of good after all. Been awhile since you've actually been this happy.)

Well, that makes two of us then.

彼女がこれを今読むかもしれないことをわかるか。
(You do realize that she might be reading this right now? )

Well yeah, and I can guess her response too. It's either gonna be sap, or psycho.

とにかく同じ相違。万が一彼女があれば何かを言うべきである。
(Same difference anyway. You should say something just in case she is.)

Well, I'm sorry.

非常にとてもmoron 時々である場合もある。彼女が許すという公正な希望。
(You can be such a fucking moron at times. Just hope that she forgives you.)

Yeah. I am.

And it's quiet again. Gotta love the song on the radio though.

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new

One Republic - Apologize.

オハイオ州ところで。いるかだれが町に推測か。外見上彼女は家で示した。皮肉ないことを起こったことそれはでないか。
(Oh by the way. Guess who's in town? Apparently she showed up at the house. Ironic isn't it that you happened to not be around?)

Who? Oh fuck don't tell me....

You're a new one aren't you. Which facet are you really?

買戻し。
(Redemption.)

And I can't help but smile. :)

Se7en.

2007-09-12T12:29:00.000-07:00

Greed:	High
Gluttony:	High
Wrath:	Medium
Sloth:	High
Envy:	Medium
Lust:	Very High
Pride:	Medium

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Doesn't surprise me really. That lust would be the trump card to do me in. I didn't however think that my gluttony, greed and sloth would be as high as well. Hmm. Sometimes we're just creatures of habit aren't we.

Touch it, bring it, obey it, watch it,
Turn it, leave it, stop - format it.

Daft Punk - Technologic.

Killer killer Motorboat Eater!

2007-09-12T11:39:00.000-07:00

Ah a bad guy with class. Does make me wonder at times about my inner self. I do have my little murderous thoughts in my head though. And it's scary at times. Like sometimes in traffic, I seem to have to suppress the urge of wanting to get out, walk over to the retard that cut me off, and beat the fuck out of him with a stick. I do have the stick in my car too.

My freakiest moment was when I started to mentally plot the demise of the neighbourhood kids near my workplace just because they're as ghetto as it gets. And not just a simple shoot em all thought. It was a rather detailed slitting-of-throat followed by dragging the corpse to the next floor to beat the crap out of the next kid.

Or until the head flies off the body.

Shrugs. Maybe I work too much these days.

She reminds me of the one I knew that cut up the negatives of my life.
I couldn't take my hands off her,
she wouldn't let me be anywhere but inside.

She'll never cover up what we did with her dress.
No.
She said "kiss me it'll heal,
but it won't forget".
"Kiss me it'll heal,
but it won't forget".

Marilyn Manson - Heart Shaped Glasses.

Metal Afro.

2007-09-12T10:48:00.000-07:00

Find out which Transformer you are at LiquidGeneration!

So that makes me a black robot then? Dammit I was hoping to be a decepticon. Guess I don't have enough destructive tendencies in me anyway. It sucks that I die in the movie though. Token black guy death so to speak. There goes the sequels for me. :P

Now that don't kill me
can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
cause I can't wait much longer
I know I got to be right now
cause I cant get much wronger
man i've been waitin all night now
that's how long i've been on ya

Kanye West - Stronger.

Kountdown.

2007-09-06T13:39:00.001-07:00

In about 10 hours I'll be boarding the bus to KL to attend a wedding. One of many that's to come this year surprisingly. The man that's getting married is a person who's not afraid to pursue love regardless of barriers. And it looks like the determination has paid off in spades in more ways than one. He's making waves in the DJ circles, and he's making the sacrifice in the name of love. I'm proud to be invited to this man's wedding which showcases that for once, race nor religion shouldn't be a barrier.

In a way I envy the man. He's managing to pull of what I have failed to do..cross that final barrier as well as dare to pursue his dreams all the way. It's not that I had never reached those bridges, I just didn't have the guts to cross them.

So just in case I get too wasted tomorrow to say anything about it, here's to you Khalil Kenneth Lui. Grats to everything, as well as sticking it to da man!

Salut.

Oh yeah, I always wanted to post this song too.

Tiada bintang
Dapat menerangkan hati yang telah dicela
Bagai ku lumpuh tak mampu berdiri
Aku tetap begini takkan berubah kerna

Aku tetap aku dan alur hidup mu bukanlah aku
Guna hati akal dan fikiranku
Berbeza engkau dan juga aku
Dua hati yang tak mungkin bersatu
Adakah aku
Hanya bonekan yang enkau sering mainkan

Yang dikawal oleh jari jarimu
Ku punya hati dan perasaan
Pernahlah engkau fikirkan
Cukuplah cukup oh cukuplah
Guna hati akal dan fikiranmu
Berbeza engkau dan juga aku
Dua hati yang tak mungkin bersatu

Tak tahan tak tahan
Sabarku tak tertahan
Melayan sikapmu perawan

Berbeza berbeza
Kau dan aku berbeza
Kita memang tak serupa

Bebaskan
Ku ingin dilepaskan
Kita tidak sehaluan

Cukuplah sudahlah
Sampai disini sahaja
Hubungan kita berdua

Meet Uncle Hussain - Lagu Untuk Mu.

Golden.

2007-08-27T11:13:00.000-07:00

Because that's how old the country is gonna be. Yes, it's a dreaded Merdeka post, one of many that's been popping up all over every single blog that's done by a Malaysian. From the controversy of the Namawee incident, to the overtly patriotic tones that's splashed on the blogs that wanna be considered 'goverment friendly', you just can't get away from the merdeka spirit can you.

Lately, there's been two lkinds of camps online; those that want to censor the discontent voices of the internet, and the rest of the local blogging world. Face it. The internet is still considered the new frontier to the goverment, and with more than 60% of the country still living the redneck dream, it's gonna stay that way for some time. True, the goverment is trying to pass new laws to control the internet, and true, they've been using all sorts of excuses to lock up those voices, but at least they should use the proper methods for that. I mean, trying to arrest someone on grounds of lets see, treason.. nope didn't work.. seditious instead?.. oops that backfired.. aww hell let's just use the OSA/ISA and be done with it!

Okay I'm rambling again, but all this reading made me think ( which can be a rare thing these days ), and act as well. Because as much as I hate to admit, being in Malaysia ain't all that bad. Sure there's claims of a corrupt goverment, but then again it's the same in every country isn't it? Sure we have a redneck in charge, but at least our redneck didn't send us in to invade some other country. Yet.

But it's an eventuality isn't it? That's why with the General Elections coming, we should at least try to do something about it. Get out there and register for voting already. I mean, if the rednecks can get registered, why can't we? I'm already a registered voter, and I took an step further.. I upped and joined a party.

Yes a political one. I surprise myself at times too.

Really.

No I wasn't drunk when I did it. Wish I was though. Would be a valid excuse wouldn't it. So to summarize things, the country turns 50. We're older than our southern neighbour, but still not as open or advanced as them. Our founding fathers might have had the right thing in mind, but things aren't exactly the status quo now is it.
About time we stop taking things for granted and start knowing our rights as a citizen. Our future, as well as our children's futures are in our hands and no one elses.

So here's to 50 years of independence, and wishfully another 50 more .. or until the time when Johor decides to declare itself a sovereign state just so it can invade Singapore.

Happy merdeka, and good game to all.

I'm waking up at the start of the end of the world,
but its feeling just like every other morning before,
now i wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone,
the cars are moving like a half a mile an hour and I
started staring at the passengers who're waving goodbye
can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time?

i think it turned ten o'clock but i don't really know
then i can't remember caring for an hour or so
started crying and i couldn't stop myself
i started running but there's no where to run to
i sat down on the street and took a look at myself
said where you going man you know the world is headed for hell
say your goodbyes if you've got someone you can say goodbye to

but i believe the world is burning to the ground
oh well i guess we're gonna find out
let's see how far we've come

Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end
oh well, i guess, we're gonna pretend,
let's see how far we've come
let's see how far we've come

Matchbox Twenty - Let's See How Far We've Come.

o.O

2007-08-27T09:14:00.000-07:00

I'm speechless really.

Parlay.

2007-08-18T17:31:00.000-07:00

I've been rather busy with work lately, which kinda explains my departure from the blogging world for awhile. So why am I back? Well for one thing, my main work project is done finally. As reported by Blogwawasan, Number 5 is up and running. So for all my secret stalkers out there ( yes both of you), feel free to drop by, game a lil, say hi etc :)

Another reason is the fact that I'm a celebrity! Kinda. Well not as much as that Namaweeass or 'I'll vote for you!!!' Jeff Ooi, but I did get a small role in the winning Advertlets video review :D. Go over to Advertlets and check it out for yerself guys.

Also there's been so much that I've wanted to blog about and to say, but I didn't have much time to do any of it due to bad time management etc. Let's hope that I actually follow up on this within the next few days. But for now, it's time for 2 shameless plugs.

First, Netcity 5 is now operational! It's at New World Park, where 40 years ago, Rose Chan took off her kit for masses. If you kids still don't know where it is, ask yer parents. It helps. Secondly, IT'S DRUNKFEST 2007! WHEEEEEEEE! Same time, same place! If you're a chick, come over with more chickfriends. If yer a guy, well, errr, after the 6th shotgun/bodyshot/AK47, YOU AIN'T GONNA FEEL SHIT TO WORRY BOUT THE PROBES! ;)

So yeah, come one come all! And hope that my hypertension doesn't kill me in the next two days. <3

To be despised, to be loved.
To be dreamt of, to be sought.
On the inside I don't care
Right in the middle,
I'm right in the middle
To be despised, to be loved.
To be dreamt of, to be sought.
On the inside I don't care
Be my unholy, my one and my lonely.

Timbaland feat. Fall Out Boy - One and Only.

Transformania.

2007-06-19T04:39:00.000-07:00

Only 9 days to go, and the anticipation is there. Michael Bay will either make our childhood dreams come through, or fuck it all up in one big Hollyfuckingwood explosion.

Reincarnation Step One : Matter Burn.

2007-06-02T04:27:00.000-07:00

So how many times exactly can the dead rise? It's been almost a year since this account was active, even though I decided to move on to Multiply. And now that I've decided to come back, everything seems different yet the same. I mean, a Google account just to get back to my blog? Dammit.

There's still so much to do though. Testing out crossblogging with Multiply would be interesting. I'm quite sure that my secret fan base has dissolved as well. So the next few weeks would prove whether or not the dead should indeed stay dead.

But since I'm here, fancy a shag anyone? :)

(this was posted in blogger, let's see how ugly it looks in Multiply)

Tarot.

2006-06-13T05:49:00.000-07:00

The things that people do while waiting for kick-off. Normally it's watching the commercials, but then I think I've had too much I-Gallop for quite awhile. So I went ahead and did this instead.

Advocating Realist

Does this mean that South Korea would fail us all tonight? Or that my head is killing me because the doctors were right? Or that Indonesian bands make better music? Don't matter, cos it's kick off already.

Jujurlah padaku bila kau tak lagi suka
Tinggalkan aku
Bila tak mungkin bersama
Jauhi diriku lupakanlah aku
Selamanya

Radja - Jujur.

I am such a sucker for strings. :P

Commercial Break.

2006-06-12T14:52:00.000-07:00

Worst Case Scenario : You come home one day to find your mom trying out her newly purchased I-Gallop.

Cowboy hat and all.

Yes, too much World Cup can be damaging to your mind.

I believe I can see the future
Cause I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
But then again
That might have been a dream
I think I used to have a voice
Now I never make a sound
I just do what I've been told
I really don't want them to come around

I can feel their eyes are watching
In case I lose myself again
Sometimes I think I'm happy here
Sometimes, yet I still pretend
I can't remember how this got started
But I can tell you exactly how it will end

I'm writing on a little piece of paper
I'm hoping someday you might find
Well I'll hide it behind something
They won't look behind
I'm still inside here
A little bit comes bleeding through
I wish this could have been any other way
But I just don't know, I don't know what else I can do

Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same.

Nine Inch Nails - Everyday Is Exactly The Same.

Actually, more football would be better to distract me.

Juggernaut.

2006-06-12T06:03:00.000-07:00

Time to pick up the pieces and look for superglue. After all, I only destroy myself, not others. Stupid me.

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

All American Rejects - Move Along.

Instinctive.

2006-06-10T15:17:00.000-07:00

My time is a muddled up mix of alcohol, work and the World Cup. I've reopened my accounts and dusted off my PDA and black books for this month just for old time's sake. Predictions have been good so far. Let's just hope it stays that way.

I guess the built up stress from football, work, my health issues and too much meds have occupied me too much. So much so that I've let my instincts and urges overcome me to help relieve the stress. Which can be rather erm.. bad.

But then lately my instincts have been failing me. Then again, everything seems to be failing me, even myself. Guess I really should go for that medical that the doctor recommended. And I should start looking for myself too, before he wanders too far away. Hmm.

So much to do, so little time. The trip to KL. The Langkawi escape. Singapore in August. And god knows what else. I'll just leave you with another useless fact of the day.

Rom's Useless Fact of the day #79.

A slut is someone who sleeps with everyone.
A bitch is someone who sleeps with everyone BUT you.

Wait! I don't mean no harm
I can see you with my t-shirt on
I can see you with nothing on
feeling on me before you bring that on

Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland - Promiscuous.

Denied.

2006-06-03T02:05:00.000-07:00

Useless fact of the day #47:

To prevent its mate from being the village bicycle during mating season, the wild boar would secrete really thick semen after orgasm (note that pigs do enjoy 2 hour orgasms) which would effectively seal its mate's cunt. This in our terms is called, cockblocking. However it is unknown how the hell he manages to get sloppy seconds.

It's not wrong to let go
And let the woman ride you
For fuck sake, don't lose touch
With the dog that's inside you
She wanted what you had
You bet she smelt the spore
Don't give up, fuck her up
One more time, slam that door

Hey you
You're saying that she's all that you desire
Liar
Hey you
You think you can throw water on this fire
Liar

Korn - Liar.

Moron.

2006-05-30T17:29:00.000-07:00

Stupid me. To have a plethora emotions swirl in me, drowning me even deeper in myself. To have what's left of me torn apart by opposing emotions. Love/hate. Empathic/Indifference.. Rage/Calm. Part of me wants to see you so bad, maybe one last time. Another part of me doesn't want you to see me like this. Yet another wants you to be happy. And another wants to just rage.

And when emotions fail, logic sets in. The same logic that decides that it's best to avoid confrontation. And the same logic which thinks that disassociation is a much better option to preserve the fraility beneath. Yet it's the very same logic that keeps me isolated and lonely, letting what lies beneath yearn for an escape from this prison which is now me.

Thus I numb myself again. And again. And again.

Sesuatu
Yang baru kusedari
Kau tinggalkanku
Tanpa sebab yang pasti
Sesuatu yang harusnya terjadi
Kau sakiti aku
Kau yang harus kubenci

Tetapi tak dapat kumengerti

Ku mencari sesuatu yang telah pergi
Ku mencari hati yang kubenci
Ku mencari sesuatu yang tak kembali
Ku mencari hati yang kubenci

Ku mencari
Ketap tak dapat kutemui
Ku mencari hati yang kubenci

Peter Pan - Diatas Normal.

Turpentine.

2006-05-29T20:02:00.000-07:00

I walked in the morning rain. It felt different. As if each drop that hit me mocked me. Making me feel heavier. It doesn't wash away my pain anymore. It just reopens wounds instead, bathing me in my own sorrow. Yet I still can contain the rage within.So many things now that trigger the past. Even the little things. And still I smile with a hand in my pocket squeezing my jewels.

There is a place that dwells within : Rage.

It seeks satisfaction. Looking to quench the urges. Embodying itself in : Revenge.

Which helps to fuel that first step. Although not needed to lose your crumbs behind.

You fall victim to 'ISMS' yet you are far beyond.

A thick wood covering your old existence.

The mind turns into a void. But if you weren't blinded it would be clear.

This is where the new path begins. Your last journey begins here.

I've watched you change
I took you home
Set you on the glass
I pulled off your wings
Then I laughed
I watched a change
In you
It's like you never
Had wings
Now you feel
So alive
I've watched you change

Deftones - Change.

Sugar Free.

2006-05-28T01:39:00.000-07:00

Why do you still contact me even though you say almost nothing? Is it to show that you care? Or maybe to ease that guilt trip of yours? That if I'm happy you're happy? Or that if I'm ok, you'd be able to get on with your plans?

What I do is damage control. But I'm sure you'd take that the wrong way too. And you know what? No, I'm not ok. I wish I was, but all I can do it grit my teeth and smile. Show the illusion that I am, indeed ok. The good news is that the paranoia is leaving. The bad news is that it's slowly being replaced by rage. The worse news is that I cannot unleash it, so I let it consume me instead. So, how am I?

Even in my dreams, you haunt me. But at least, I have my moment there. Thanks for the fish.

Have you come here for forgiveness
Have you come tor raise the dead
Have you come here to play jesus
To the lepers in your head
Did I ask too much
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now its all I got
We're one
But were not the same
We hurt each other
Then we do it again

U2 - One.

25th Hour.

2006-05-28T01:00:00.000-07:00

That things didn't go as plan last night is an understatement. All our regular drinking venues were full thanks to the school holidays. The guest of honour lacked sleep ( as did most of us), and was being arched to death by his office. Most of us were arched by the traffic/underaged crowd/tardiness. But things would start to work out once we got ourselves over to a drinking spot.

Note that beer + stout + meds = bad combo finish. So was Jobe's stout and actifast. But things would be different. We left the drinking spot due to their bad choice of music. There was no round table session. Capes was loaded up enough to start his ship sinking salvos though. But still, we were lacking booze. And it was only at supper did the night get justified.

We were having supper at our usual mamak, when the screeching of tires drew our attention. Some car full of loaded up indians tried some funky parking and it arched our table enough. They got the table next to us, and was joined by a whole lotta more of em. As they went ahead with their supper, cursing the mamaks and making a racket, Capes started muttering 'Findians.'

There were 15 of them total. There wasn't enough of us if shit happened, but hell we were ready. We got our cue to leave however, when 9 bikes came in, and one of it's tukau riders muttered 'Chau Kelinga'. Apparently, hate was the flavour of the night. Our decision to leave and watch from across the road proved wise, when 5 minutes later more bikes arrived, and soon after, one chair flew into the table. This was followed by a full blown melee involving about 40 people which raged on all the way into the kampung and the main road. It's been a while for us, as Meng and me watched and smiled.

Someone screamed to withdraw and within seconds, the riders ran back to their bikes and sped off. Of the indians, we never saw what became of them. Good thing we stopped Tats from going back across to get the cans of booze we left on the table. There had more blood after that though, but that is another story.

Happy Birthday to you Jobe. Welcome to your 25th hour. :)

You think that you dont have to ever quit
You think that you can get away with it
You think the light wont be ever lit
Its almost over now
Almost over now

Something's on your chest
Better get it off
There'll be no one left when we set it off
We aint gonna take it no more
Since
Its almost over now
Almost over now

N.E.R.D. - Rockstar.

Flight.

2006-05-27T01:20:00.000-07:00

Melor dropped by last night while I was working. The man's finally gonna take his final step and finish off his studies in the land of the prim and proper, where tea is always followed by footie and a scrap or two. He'll be gone for a few months, but if he gets real lucky, maybe get to stay longer. So all the best to you. May you find your little place where lovers have wings.

We talked abit on current topics, since it's gonna be a long time till his next trip here. Lucky him. He gets to get out of the loop. I was advised to do the same. In a way, I've already done that though. He went through the current batch of CDs I was playing. Korn, Oakenfold, Incubus, Fall Out Boy, Spawn OST, Cypress Hill. He's got a whole lotta music to download before he leaves now. Pity he didn't burn another of his compilations for me to trip to though.

He's right though. Nothing I can do, but grit my teeth and smile. We'd normally catch up over a beer or 3, but I was still running high on meds, so that wouldn't have been so smart. Or maybe I should've.

Should've. Could've. Would've.

Doesn't matter anymore. All the best to you dude. Don't come back too soon aight.

So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of this world and it's people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me... I'll never be the same.

Incubus - Pardon Me.

Zen.

2006-05-23T01:59:00.000-07:00

Useless fact of the day #31: Comfort sex is like alcohol, no amount of it can mend a broken heart.

A darkness grows inside me in fading shades of gray
All the colors of the world are slowly sucked away
I'm sinking ever deeper to a place that's cold and black
I can't believe I've lost you and you're never coming back

These words have torn my world apart
These lies have torn my world apart
These words have torn my world apart
Torn my world apart

Stabbing Westward feat. Winkx - Torn Apart.

Kismet.

2006-05-20T09:22:00.000-07:00

Almost a cliche it is. That the way that I caused one to be vanquished, is the same method that is used against me. Try as I might not to see it, the glaring similarities are there.

I guess it is only fair that fate deals against me the very hand that I used to win the previous round. Or rather, it was only the illusion of the win. The saying, "Do unto others what you wish others to do unto you" rings true after all.

At least, you could've told me.

Keep holding on
When my brain's tickin' like a bomb
Guess the black thoughts have come Again to get me
Sweet bitter words
Unlike nothing I have heard
Sing along mocking bird
You don't affect me

That's right
Deliverance of my heart
Be straight
Be deliberate

Wait
I'm coming undone
Unlaced
I'm coming undone
Too late
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong
So delicate

Korn - Coming Undone.

Paranoid Android.

2006-05-18T17:09:00.000-07:00

It feels weird. Different even. Suddenly, there's no sign of you. As if you just, dissapeared. And as I wonder what happened, my paranoia kicks in. That somehow, I managed to fuck up again.

That somehow, something I did has caused you to distance yourself effectively. Or maybe it's a case of he said she said. And so I wait it out, wondering. And that's the thing about waiting. Time always seems to move slower when you wait. Minutes feel like hours. Hours feel like days. And my mind starts creating riddles for it to solve.

The tone is unmistakable. A tinge of irritation, a hint of aggression, a taint of offensiveness. You lash out at my curiousity, turning my words against myself. Maybe it's true. Familiarity breeds contempt. I back down and lick my wounds in the corner.

You tell me that you'd be right back. I cheerfully say ok and wait. You blink out of existence. I sit here and continue waiting.

Amazing how things can change overnight.

Open up now
Head in the sky
Pierce the tongue that
Keeps telling lies
Feelings in my mouth
You breathe in but can't breathe out

Korn - Open Up.

Relapse.

2006-05-03T18:31:00.000-07:00

To lapse. Such a small word can make such a difference. On the highway, a lapse in your concentration while driving can get you killed. A lapse in character can cause you to do things you regret. A lapse in willpower can cause you to succumb to vice. But then, we're only human. We're not perfect. And every so often, we WILL lapse.

But then, if your nature is to be violent, a lapse in it would be good instead? And if you do lapse, how long would it last? For me, that's a little tricky. If you choose to adapt to everything, and lose yourself instead, what happens?

I seem to rant pointlessly again. I've always believed in the concept of honesty. Even if it's a situation that I don't wanna hear, I should be told about it. Don't lie to me please. It just ruins the image of you. You lapse by going back on your words, using excuses instead to get you to point B. I lapse by succumbing to my alcowhore.

Everybody hurts. And I wake to watch the sunrise and the end of the world.

So do, I warn you
I see things when I hold you
But I’ve whispered: "it’s alright"
It is you and me and a long night

You're a ghost in the doorway,
I can see through, but I hold tight,
I’ll just stay on holding until it hurts,
I just want you to know you're lovely,

Chemical Brothers feat. Anna Lynne - Hold Tight London.

Distraction.

2006-04-24T15:20:00.000-07:00

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

You give completely and unconditionally in relationships.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

www.blogthings.com/howareyouinlovequiz/">Are You In Love?

Kaleidoscope.

2006-04-21T14:08:00.000-07:00

The rain helped. To be drenched by it has washed away uncertainties. To have it wash away the plague that's been festering in my mind and soul. And yours, as I watch you smile while the rain beats down on your face.

I have stepped out of line. With my little requests. And my consistent nagging. To see you truly happy with the rain, pleases me as well.

I realize that I almost slipped back to my zealous ways. To be blindly driven with total disregard of anything but the righteous cause. My cause. Almost. And then I remember, that I have no right to. To act like that would make me no better than him.

I am nothing after all in this equation. No opinion, no voice, no consequence. You have your duty to fufill. Regardless of what I think. And you looked so happy then as you left, that maybe it's not as bad as I make it to be at times.

I am an outsider. Looking in through the peephole. Wrong that I am a voyeur, yet curious to see the outcome of things. And each time I look, I tend to hurt myself more. Yet I continue.

At least I feel. And I do not regret. He must be lucky at least for the chance to keep you warm after the cold downpour. And you could use the warmth that is afforded to you. It's a nice warm fuzzy feeling. At least I have memories of such moments from my past.

I smile unconciously. You ask, why do I do what I do, even though it's wrong. I guess, I feel the need to. It makes you happy, even though you protest vehemently. Your eyes say it all. And I get lost in them so often nowdays.

Sometimes it takes an act of God to wake one up.

There's never a wrong one after all.

I have seen peace. I have seen pain,
Resting on the shoulders of your name.
Do you see the truth through all their lies?
Do you see the world through troubled eyes?
And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend.

James Blunt - Cry.

Float.

2006-04-20T22:49:00.000-07:00

I wake up in a mess. I don't remember how I got home. The morning sun in my face lets me know it's still early.

Slowly I recollect. I still taste the vomit in my mouth. It's not mine though. I rub my nose and smell you on my fingers. Memories flood back in. Alcohol induced nights are always the most interesting. I smile.

Soon I'll have to go down and clean my car up. And restock it with smelling salts, tissue and drinking water. Definitely. Alcohol induced nights can be most interesting indeed.

Coffee would be good now. Other than you of course.

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your INHIBITIONS

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
treat yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten.

Back To Mine.

2006-04-17T18:09:00.000-07:00

For those that don't know, the Back To Mine series consists of songs that people listen to after hours. It's the playlist that they put on after a hard day or night of work/drinking/clubbing. Some feature chilled out tracks to wind themselves down, while others prefer a mix of all, be it dance, country, death metal or old school rock.

Below is my playlist along with a lil explaination on why it's there in the first place. In some ways, it chronicles my life and offers a small glimpse into my sick, twisted mind.

Enjoy.

1. U2 - One. Love is a temple. Love, The higher law.
This was supposed to be my song. My wedding song. THE wedding song. Amazing how romantic we could be when we were much younger. The version with the German Philharmonic Orchestra is the most heart-rending.

2. Johnny Cash - Hurt. You can have it all. My empire of dirt.
This is a remake of the Nine Inch Nails classic, but Johnny Cash just does it so well that you can almost weep from the sorrow that is so thick in his voice.

3. James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover. I am here for you, if only you'd care.
Rather new to the playlist, but makes it just for sheer emotion, Blunt has got to be the most depressing emo guy out there. Goes well with alcohol, anything above 100 proof.

4. The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony. And I'm a million different people from one day to the next.
The first of the 'Cut wrist and slowly die' songs, it's been a staple on my list due to me being a sucker for strings. A depressed friend almost drove himself off a highway flyover listening to this.

5. Neo Genesis Evangalion OST - Pachabel's Canon in D Performed by a String Quintuple.
The movie was a rollercoaster going downhill fast, as we could only watch helpless as NERV, the people who had been protecting the planet are just left to die after saving it for the last time. And as it unfolded, this song kept playing in the background.

6. Chemical Brothers - Where Do I Begin. Don't even know who's bed I'm in.
Beth Orton's vocals are haunting in this morning after track which just keeps playing in the back of your head after it's all over.

7. Dark Globe - Break My World. Use me up, cut me dry, shut my mouth, say goodbye.
An underground staple which features Amanda Ghost on vocals, I got hooked on this tune because of the dark feeling it gives; relaxing yet bitter.

8. Mew - Comforting Sounds. Honestly I tried to avoid it. Honestly.
First time I heard this was from watching their video. It got limited airplay, but stayed on my playlist since. I just love the way the song cresendos into it's climax, and keeps hitting you for multiples.

9. Underworld - Cowgirl. hurt the necessary feeling.
Underworld are fucking geniuses when it comes to dance music. If there's any rave by them in the vicinity, it would be a dream come true. Numerous of their tracks would make this list, but this one stands out the most. And no, I have no idea why it's called cowgirl.

10. Leftfield - Swords. I have become Pure water.
Something to listen to while winding down and driving home, Swords is also best played when it's raining. Real heavy. Compliments the lightning that would be streaking around you very well.

11. Orbital - Halycon and On and On.
First heard from the OST of Hackers, this is definitely the best thing to listen to as you sit in a corner and watch the city lights, or the sunrise. Don't forget the Screwdriver that goes with it.

12. Late Night Alumni - Empty Streets. i'm affected more than i had guessed on what was said
A new entry into the playlist, Late Night Alumni offers such angelic vocalist which has you hooked instantly. One of the best tunes to wind down to.

13. Kanye West - Heard 'Em Say. nothin's ever promised tomorrow, today
With the plinky piano and the guest vocals of Adam Levine, the best version is of course the Orchestral one that was done live. Kanye West may not be as good without his guest vocalists, but damn the man can produce a hit. Wonderful late night listening.

14. Marvin Gaye - Sexual Healing. and my emotional stability is leaving me
He's the man! Him and Barry White, probably caused the most number of pregnancies back in the 80s all the way till now. Will definitely unwind anyone.

15. The Prodigy - Break And Enter.
Can cause more windups than unwinding, but still makes the list just for post party lisening energy. Just keep the breakables away if it's been a rough night.

16. The Cure - Burn. But every night I burn But every night I call your name
It brings back images of a haunting Brandon Lee turning into The Crow. Surprisingly, it does help dissipate post party energy, though rage normally replaces it. Kinda makes you wanna watch the movie again.

17. Frente - Bizarre Love Triangle. You’ll say the words that I can’t say
Three versions of this song, the most haunting is still Frente's. With the soft vocals, you almost miss the intent of its lyrics. If you prefer electroclash then get the original by New Order.

18. The Cardigans - My Favourite Game. But in the end it’s always me alone
First heard in Grand Turismo, this is the gamer's track for everything that has gone wrong. Once again, keep the breakables safe.

19. Josh Wink - Higher State Of Conciousness.
The first 'tweeter' dance hit, sitting in the dark and just letting the tempo take you to the next level would be a wonderful way to end the night. Having someone curled up on your lap as well would be better.

20. New Order - Confusion. When I show you what you cannot see
Currently marketed on the internet as 'Blood Rave' , this all time favourite would be another wonderful way to end your alcohol blurred night. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.

21. Faithless - We Come One. I drain the color from the sky And turn blue without you
How can I leave Faithless out of the list. Another tune that would wake the active imagination, alcohol and this would definitely cause you to visualize a rave running through your living room.

22. Lamb - Gorecki. all this time I've loved you and never known your face
How could I have missed this out? This is THE love song. Lambs haunting vocals and slow build up makes this a must have for the dark rainy nights after hours.

So that's the tracks that would show you just how my mind decides to shut down for the night. Or morning. Give it a try. Who knows. Maybe they'll enter your list as well.

Weekend Warrior.

2006-04-15T21:23:00.000-07:00

The fact that the weekend seems to burn me out more than the weekday is scary. It's Easter Sunday today, and yet I can't seem to afford proper sleep or rest. From my time dedicated to my WoW guildruns, to managing the weekend crowd, to the nuances that eat at your imagination, barely allows me time to sleep.

Which is why I favor my weekdays more. Less hassle, less complications. A time when I don't have to look over my shoulder every now and then. I guess I'll always have Thursdays.

And it doesn't help to have an active imagination as well. One that is curious enough to paint every single scenario or possibility within the confines of my twisted mind. Enough to make a man run screaming off into the night.

And when there's an infomation blackout, speculation only causes more issues for the poor cerebrum of mine. Thus I indulge in my gaming, my coffee, and my music.

I guess I really think too much. But then, I can't help being myself can I.

the city feels clean this time of night
just empty streets and me walking
home to clear my head
i know it came as no surprise
i'm affected more than i had guessed
on what was said

it's the quiet time before the dawn
and i'm half past making sense of it,
was i wrong?
should i claim to give it all
in a world where not much ever seems
to last long

if the smile's not meant to be, if the
heart's not ready to open
if we make it i won't see
.. it's broken
if the smile's not meant to be,
if the heart's not ready to open
if we make it i won't see
.. how it's broken

Late Night Alumni - Empty Streets.

Life in Monochrome.

2006-04-13T09:09:00.000-07:00

So soon do I miss you already.

What started as an unplanned night, turned into a really insightful one.

It starts to drizzle as I drive, and we agree on looking for a spot for heavier rain instead. Apparently, God doesn't cry that much anymore for us.

You tell me a secret, and I'm glad that you trust me so.

You toy with my imagination. I play with your hair. Little things matter more after all.

Our little escapes help us deal with reality a little better. No deadlines. No curfews. Just the fresh outlook of looking at the world through each other's rose tinted glasses.

And no matter what, we'll always have Thursdays.

And as I drive home, this starts to play.

Keep quiet,
Nothing comes as easy as you.
Can I lay in your bed all day?
I'll be your best kept secret
And your biggest mistake.
The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day.

So wear me like a locket around your throat.
I'll weigh you down
.I'll watch you choke.
You look so good in blue.

Fall Out Boy - Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner.

Waterbaby.

2006-04-11T09:38:00.000-07:00

It rains again. Always later than it should. You wait for it and it never comes. And when you give up on it, it'll hit you right in the face.

I say that it'll only rain if you're with me. You deny that furiously.

I insist. You ask why. I answer, cos when we somehow get together, God cries.

You remind me that there's no such thing as a 'we'.

I can only smile. The kind that's bittersweet.

I start to look for the pyrotechnics that would help you achive your goal in blowing up Red Box.

It's not so natural anymore. It never can be if there's active resistance or mental blocks. But then, we shouldn't be making God cry should we.

It’s battleship grey outside
And we don’t know what we’ll be getting
All your sweet talking, raining over me
‘til my name escapes, and I'm set free

There’s a word in your eye,
But I don’t know what is to say it
And when you call me from the other side,
A sense of it starts breaking up, and its lies

I don’t know, what I’m getting,
But I’m getting something,
I don’t know, what I’m getting,
But I’m getting something

It’s battleship grey outside,
Confusion, all this is for the gods
Uncertainty, I could be bathing under artificial light
Under twilight blue, starts to mesmorize
And I tell myself that you light up my life
But its all in the mind when you cannot see in the eyes

It’s battleship grey
All your sweet talking, raining over me
‘til my name escapes, and I’m set free

Tiesto - Battleship Grey.

And the rain continues..

Cloudbroken.

2006-04-10T00:32:00.000-07:00

Weird weather today. It threatens to rain, yet doesn't. Then again, it's Monday.

We claim that nothing's changed. So why does it feel different?

The music stays the same though.

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometime
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet, you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometime
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometime
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

Howie Day - Collide

Somberity.

2006-04-08T11:46:00.000-07:00

The thing about Serani wakes is that there will never be a shortage of beer. And considering it's also part chinese, there also wasn't a shortage of porridge. Or peanuts. Or coffee. Or roast pork. For me, I just sat in one corner and enjoyed the beer.

It's been a rather different Saturday night I suppose. Work took up most of it, with my short escape with coffee for the pikachu. Learn a new thing everyday is something I've always been saying, and when there's nothing more to learn, only then is your time up on this world. And I honestly enjoying the newfound knowledge everyday that is with and about pikachu.

But then again, it's a whole new learning process. A different issue of understanding. What makes a person tick. Why I'm wanting to know as well. Likes and dislikes. Loves and hates. Wrongs and rights.

I do wonder. If what I'm doing is so wrong, does that make what's happening on the other end of the equation so right? I've always believed in the concept of karma and to some extent to chaos theory. Or that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. We can never remove ourselves from this equation. No matter how hard we try.

So does this justify my actions? That why it feels so right is because what happens on the other side of the fence so wrong? Small things like this can eat at you as you watch the minutes pass ever so slowly through the dead of the night.

And of course, there's the wait. The eternal wait. For something to happen. Or for something to turn around. Being in a communication blackout doesn't help at all, as it only makes the wait drag on. And on. Like halcyon on an acid trip. And the worry eats at your mind. And what's left of your soul.

And then, the phone glows. And suddenly everything is good once again. All good.

And the rain falls again.

Note to self : Don't overindulge in beer at a wake. The mind can be a fragile at times.

You can run away,
Leave your books behind you.
But you should look back twice,
just to be on the safe side.

From my boat I can see your house.
But now the lights are off,
And there is no one home.
You are just like an avalanche,
Cold as I might have guessed.
But at least I'm covered up for now.

Mew - 156.

Swords.

2006-04-06T09:26:00.000-07:00

The storm hits at the right time. The rain seeps into your already wet clothes, offering you temporary solace from the troubles of the real world. It's been a perfect night. Almost.

Fine dining without alcohol. Driving around without a real destination.

A watergun fight within the confines of the car. The chemistry is so right. The atmosphere electrifying.

We take coffee to warm ourselves up, our clothes still damp from the floricking. And then the call comes.

As much as it feels that we do, we don't. He comes and joins us, and after a short conversation, whisks you away to his sanctum.

And the rain comes. It's been almost a perfect night.

And then I notice what's marked on my phone's digital calendar. And I can't help but smile.

It might be perfect after all.

And your teeth got wrapped around
Just can't speak
Just sit in your house
Never felt
Tears of love and
Tears of heart
You had it, you still
All you still use shampoo
You had it all, you still use shampoo

It felt so good
And you never die
She will fuck with you
Victory

I'm thinking of that kiss
Never will I'm sitting cold
There was love
You loved him
Take him
Trust in you

We shall be
You had it all
Yeah blue
You had it

Who's there you're talkin' to
Like you're sucking on his dick

And it tastes so good
Dreams and a wish for you
I've seen the jaws and they taste so good
Saw the jaws and they taste so good
I've seen the jaws and they taste so good
Tasting the jaws and they taste so good
You've seen the jaws and they taste so good

Broken Social Scene - Shampoo Suicide.

Mortalities and Moralities.

2006-04-06T08:53:00.000-07:00

First of all, my condolences to Barney and his family for the loss of his beloved mother. Death can be a catalyst. It can make one wonder about his or her role or function in life. But when it happens to someone you actually know, it just numbs you. And you question yourself and the things around you more.

The past month or so for me have been harrowing. The accident. My grandmother's heart attack. I can't help but feel guilty at times. For procrastinating. For putting things off till tomorrow. What they say it true though.

There is no tomorrow. There is only today. Tomorrow comes today. Can we handle the regret of putting something off till tomorrow and then have fate take that option away? Of last words, or last actions.

Appreciate what we have now and today. We may not have it anymore tomorrow. Maybe that's what's changed my priorities lately. Our lives entwine and touch in the tapestry of fate, and everyday, that weave will lose a thread or three.

It hasn't been an active change. It's been gradual. I now enjoy the sunrise while driving home along the beach. I welcome the rain with open arms as it comes down to wash away everything. I take the time to make calls to family just to see if they're alright. I've learnt to use the L word again.

As cliched as it sounds, live life as if it's your last day today. Be thankful for what we have and not spiteful for what we want. Even the smallest gesture or the shortest moment could mean everything to someone else, so seize it while we can.

There's more to life than the blingbling, the games, the hate, the status quo. In the end, it's all about yourself. Nothing else.

I'm living fine with myself now. Are you?

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover.

Wreked.

2006-03-30T18:24:00.000-08:00

I can't help it. I don't fancy this attunement as much as you.

To feel what you feel. The good and the bad. Last night, I really didn't need to feel that.

To be empathic is one thing. To be overwhelmed is another.

So much mixed emotions. So wrong yet so right. So right, yet utterly wrong. I curl up in a ball trying to block the assault on the senses.

And it made me sick. So sick that even now I feel weak. And it's not over is it. It can't be over so soon.

And as futile as it may be, I brace myself for the next emotional violation.

you let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
you let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
help me I broke apart my insides
help me I’ve got no soul to sell
help me the only thing that works for me
help me get away from myself

I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god

you can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings
you can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything
help me tear down my reason
help me its' your sex I can smell
help me you make me perfect
help me become somebody else

I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god

through every forest, above the trees
within my stomach, scraped off my knees
I drink the honey inside your hive
you are the reason I stay alive

Nine Inch Nails - Closer.

Family Habits.

2006-03-30T17:39:00.000-08:00

Last week, my grandmother had a heart attack. My initial reaction of wanting to drive back immediately was quashed by everyone else telling me to wait it out in Penang instead, while my mom made her way to me. Something about me not in a mental state to drive back alone. :P right.

I guess in a way it was a whole experience for me. As usual, families would seem to gather more in times of crisis than in times of joy. And I did learn a thing or two about my mom as I drove back with her as my terrified co-pilot the next day. One thing would be that my short fuse dealing with incompetent staff is inheritent from here, as I hear her bombard her subordinates over the cellphone while I barrel my way down the highway. Another would be the sarcasm, and 'mulut laser' as she proceeded to gun down every fucktard (her word, not mine) who had their hazard lights on in the storm.

But then again, my traits ( good and bad) don't all come from just her. I discovered where my stubborness came from when I got to the hospital and went in to check on my grandma. Initial small talk had her explaining what happened that night. Apparently, she had the attack at around 11.30pm. She finally decided to call my auntie at 12.02 am after deciding that this might actually kill her. Needless to say my auntie panicked and flew (her words not mine) her straight to the nearest hospital. I asked her why the heck did she wait that long. She shrugged and smiled. I couldn't help but smile back as I called her stubborn.

After all this is the grandma who took care of me since i was 5 days old, all the way for 10 years till I moved to Penang with my folks. This is the grandma who taught me to have an open mind and made sure an ustazah would teach me the Quran everyday at home while she attended church on weekends. This is the grandma of Chinese Eurasian decent who can shoot you down in all 4 etnic languages. This is the grandma brought up 7 kids, half her grandkids and when everyone was old enough, divorced my grandad, yet took care of him till his last days. Hench, this is my grandma who I love to bits.

Another interesting thing noted while I was driving back. All the while I had easy music playing so that my mom wouldn't go deaf ( Keyshia Cole, Prince, Beyonce, Outkast :P ) but it being Saturday night, I switched over to Red 104.9 for their live DJ sets as soon as I hit the Penang border. They had some very decent breakbeats and house playing. Halfway through, my mom asked me what CD was this, cos she wanted a copy. o.O She then started bitching about me not playing good music throughout the whole trip until now. She then proceeded to ninja some of my best dance compilations. At least she drew the line at trance so I get to keep my Tiesto. :P

You can't help but smile to see my mom move to FatboySlim in her seat. :)

The Morning Afters.

2006-03-22T21:02:00.000-08:00

Something happened to us after Tiesto. Maybe it was the roadtrip. Maybe it was an awakening. Maybe the energy from that night still flows in us. Maybe it was the homosexual ghosts that wandered in the Cititel rooms.

Maybe it's all of the above.

Whatever the reason, something within has changed.

Boon has just left for KL for a weekend trip, himself searching for his own sunrise. The man who has been floating in emotional limbo for so long seems to have finally steered himself towards a port. Or two. It's all good either way.

Tats is adamant on learning how to shuffle. Melbourne Shuffle. That and a certain rejuvenation that seems to empower him even more. Gone seem to be his weariness of waiting. Projekt: Singapore is around the corner.

Ronz is Ronz, with a vengence. One wonders if he decides to beatbox Traffic while doing tech support. Hell, I'd be surprised if he doesn't. The twinkle in his eye whenever he goes through the various blogs/pics/vids on the Sepang event says it all. The man has a purpose, and it seems to be more enlightment via raves.

As for me, the whole thing made me realize that at my point of life, I shouldn't fear anymore. I shouldn't fear what people think or say. I shouldn't fear where my heart takes me. I shouldn't fear my past. I have only my future ahead. And there is more to life out there, it's just ours for the taking.

So it's time to lean back, get my pokemon, and live my life as it should be. :)

You can travel the world but you can't run away
from the person you are in your heart
you can be who you want to be
make us believe in you
keep all your light in the dark
if your searching for truth
you must look in the mirror
and make sense of what you can see

Just be

i was lost and i'm still lost but i feel so much better

Tiesto - Just Be.

In Search of Sunrise - Nothing Could Be Better.

2006-03-19T10:13:00.000-08:00

After all the work rescheduling, all the last minute plan changes, all the delays, it was worth it. Tiesto's performance at the F1 Renault Pit Party ( which was also part of his In Search of Sunrise tour) made this the best rave that I have ever attended in my life, and it's a little hard to top it after this. Simply put, I don't think I need to ever attend another rave since it probably wouldn't be able to top this one. (unless it showcases Underworld, Chemical Brothers or BT)

Projekt Sepang.
We managed to get to Sepang around 8ish without getting lost with ample parking to boot. As soon as we got out of the car, the sound and atmosphere was amazing. Even from across the road, the sound was kickass. After a quick bodycheck at the entrance, the 4 of us each bagged a free zippowannabe lighter by filling up some survey which would probably have us being dogged by junk mail for the next year or so. Drinks were fairly priced, with Heinekens going for rm15 and water/coke going for rm5. Needless to say, we shotgunned the first can :)

Drum Connection was playing a live set at that point, and from what I noticed, I'm quite sure it's Safari Duo with 2 more members added. They kept the crowd electrified and warmed everyone up well enough. Already you could tell there had a few thousand in the house already.

Around 9ish, some DJ with the shirt Milk started his warm up set, and surprisingly spun a very decent set. The best part was when he mixed in Orbital's Halycon and On and On which got the crowd moving well enough. By 10 however, his set didn't look like it was gonna finish on time.

And then the set finished, and new podiums were added into the mix. A lion dance started, followed by kompangs and then the whole place was lighted up with pyrotechnics, with rockets being fired straight towards the stage from the chillout point. And there he was in all his arrogance. Tiesto started his set. Please note - I state that Tiesto is arrogant not because I dislike him. I enjoy his music well enough. I call him arrogant because he's fucking good at controlling the crowd, and he KNOWS it.

He played 3 sets, his first had more of his newer works, and after an hour of working the crowd, a female vocalist took the stage to belt out a few of his tracks (which was sadly offkey due to her not wearing a earpiece). This was when I realized that she was a filler for him to take his breaks inbetween sets. As the 2nd set wore on though, I was rather distracted by the 15k people all over the place, as I tried to search for friends that have been messaging me since the start of his show. Fatigue was already taking over as I danced past stoners, ravers, shufflers, hedonists and 'damnyouhawt' women, and I was sitting my ass in the Heineken tent when the vocalist appeared again to give the man his break.

And around 1.30 the off-keyed woman died down, and a dragon dance started on stage. Peeking out of the tent, I started to hear the strains of Forever Today as the dragon floated on. After realizing that this was gonna be THE set, I managed to get the rest of the gang up and about and started to head towards the middle. And that's when it hit us. Unlike his previous sets, his went all out at this point, not allowing us to rest or breathe, instead just upping the ante with each track he played. He played us all like his puppets, because each time that we tried to rest, he would bang in another anthem.

How could you not dance to his last set? People who were out of it were getting back into the crowd. And when it looked like he wore us out, in came Adagio For Strings, which took everyone to another level all together, especially when the Malaysian Flag came up during the songbreak. And from that point, he decided to break us. He had the crowd singing to Love Comes Again. He had people go crazy when they heard Flight 643 and Suburban Train. And he had revellers who were leaving do a 180 when Traffic hit the floor. The man knows his shit. And that's to entertain.

And the best part? We stayed clean throughout the whole thing (which would be 60% of the crowd). All I had the whole night was 1 beer, a whole lotta water, and 2 1/2 packs of Smints. K so I'm guilty of a sugarless sugar rush >.< And even now, back in Penang, the event is still fresh in my mind.

Thank you for the best rave in my life Mistar Tiesto! bai.

You have become
What you have always been
Light flickering around
Peripheral vision
No words we can speak
Our paths have been chosen
But all trails that we trek
Should lead us back to here because our

Love comes again
Just when I've broken out of love
Love can come again
You gotta believe that
Love comes again
Just when I've broken out of love
Love can come again

Dig within me
Turn all the secret stones
Forests and fields
Breathing with blood and bones
Still no word we can speak
Our paths have been chosen
But all trails that we trek
Should lead us back to here because our

Love comes again
Just when I've broken out of love
Love can come again
You gotta believe thatLove comes again
Just when I've broken out of love
Love can come again

Tiesto feat. BT - Love Comes Again.

Run Catch Kill.

2006-03-13T14:21:00.000-08:00

Yes I do know it's been awhile since my last proper update. I guess real life has been pwnting me again and again. So here's a basic summary of what's been going on with me the past few weeks ( not like anyone reads anyway).

- I crashed the pimpmobile. And I'm still upset about it. Yes, it's my fault, I did hit the guy after all ( although the compulsory 'TIBA TIBA' did appear in the police report) . Now I'm trying to get her out of the workshop in time for a check up, and if possible, drive her down to Sepang for Tiesto. And yes, I do know I'm running out of time.

- Work schedule = pwnt. With both STPM and SPM results released, our work roster is rapidly changing once again, thus resulting in emergency retraining of newblood to be sent back out to the other 3 outlets. Why would this kick my ass? Because I've been routinely pulling double shifts just to monitor them enough to make sure no fuckups occur. At least I got 3 supervisors to kick around just in case :)

- I broke my body clock again. It now runs on 2-4 hr a day sleep patterns. Couple this with my addiction to coffee ( and also my new dedication to the online world) , my brain is slowly melting into mush.

- Yay the F1 parties are here again! Managed to go for the Red Zone event at Coco's. Gabriel & Maniam, Mario Piu on the outside; Desire and Roxy on the inside; what more could you ask for? For Penang standards,it was good and it brought back memories of the Full Moon Party with the Warp Brothers and happiness was when it started to rain while Mario Piu's set was in full swing. The stage moves on to KL/Sepang this weekend though, with Yana spinning for the Toyota party; James Lavelle of U.N.K.L.E. hitting it up at Zouk for the Levis` event; ATB, Montana, Tall Paul at the Red Zone Sepang, and of course TIESTOZOMGWTFBBQ at the Sepang Renault Pit Party. I still rue missing last year's Toyota gig which featured Prodigy >.<

And in other news, sex in the bathroom on toilet bowls = broken toilet seats. *grumble grumble*
and I also managed to get myself an exercise bike and have been constantly clocking 5 - 10 miles a day.

In my boxers.

While watching TV.

No you can't watch.

At least not yet.

God I need to catch me some sleep >.<

And I heard 'em say
nothin ever promised tomorrow today.
But we'll find a way
And nothing lasts forever but be honest babe,
it hurts but it may be the only way.

Kanye West feat. Adam Levine - Heard Em Say.

Rhinestone Cowboys!

2006-02-24T15:53:00.000-08:00

Zomg this is hilarious! For the full impact of it of course, watch the movie, then go watch Casanova after that :D

Aww yer know yer want IT!

Insomniak.

2006-02-24T15:24:00.000-08:00

At 7 on a Saturday morning, with beer for breakfast, now that's the kinda Irish courage that a man needs. Now the problem would be to get it all out of the system so that I survive a Saturday night at work, and more.

Choices choices. And having Faithless on repeat isn't helping either. The week is ending finally. Thank god. Sometimes you wish things wouldn't happen, but then they can only happen for the better.

I used to worry, thought I was goin' mad in a hurry
Gettin' stress, makin' excess mess in darkness
No electricity, something's all over me, greasy
Insomnia please release me and let me dream of
Makin' mad love to my girl on the heath
Tearin' off tights with my teeth
But there's no release, no peace
I toss and turn without cease
Like a curse, open my eyes and rise like yeast
At least a couple of weeks
Since I last slept, kept takin' sleepers
But now I keep myself pepped
Deeper still, that night I write by candle light
I find insight, fundamental movement, uh
So when it's black this insomniac take an original tack
Keep the beast in my nature under ceaseless attack
I gets no sleep
I can't get no sleep

Faithless - Insomnia.

Turboslam.

2006-02-14T23:47:00.000-08:00

I sit here still hung over from last night's alcohol binge. I guess it's a fitting way to end my 3 day break from work. To put things simply, my 3 days away from work was akin to sledding down a mountain. Day one was the push off, where you feel liberated as you experience the wind in your face and the momentum starts to build up to turn it into a ride you won't forget.
Day two is where the rush kicks in as the sled occasionally launches you into the air, teasing you with emotions of pain, fear and euphoria. Things seem so easy at this point as it's just downhill, that even the bumps here and there don't bother you.
Day three is when you fail to notice the wall that was convieniently built in the fucking middle of nowhere and you slam head first into it. Then you pick up the pieces of you, drag your carcass to the nearest watering hole, and with the realization of it being all over, drown yourself in enough alcohol to kill a cow.

Now excuse me while I go superglue myself back together in a corner.

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
As you gasp for air tonight
I'd scream this song right in your face
If you were here
I swear I won't miss a beat
Cause I never
Never have before

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

Story of the Year - Anthem of Our Dying Day.

Music Methodology.

2006-02-07T03:24:00.000-08:00

The WoW servers are down, thus allowing me a brief escape into reality. We're into the second month of the year and already I seem to be chewing on more that I can bite. Especially when I'm going head on with a mirror of me (ableit younger). It's been a while since I've actually felt such connectivity, but the situation appears to be stickier than the usual messes I seem to get into.

And I'm loving it. It brings out the old me, the one that used to enjoy life for what it was; the one that wasn't so jaded by the politics of the mind; the one that was emotion first and the rest is dealt in the aftermath.

Maybe it's just me overreacting to such attention. Maybe it's just me and my oh-so-active imagination. Maybe it's just female boxer shorts.

Either way, don't knock me off my pedestal so soon aight? :D

I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by

Why don't you show me the little bit of spine
You've been saving for his mattress, love
I only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me

Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me

Fallout Boy - Dance Dance.

Broken Vases.

2006-01-06T00:54:00.000-08:00

Last night's movie zoned me out unto a whole new level. I remember asking at the start of the show, 'Why is this in the international screens instead of the normal ones?" And at the end of it, I realized the reason.

COS IT'S FUCKING ARTSY.

It's so artsy that the first thing I did was jab Tats who was sitting next to me. I'm quite sure Melvin would love it though.

And it has such potential too. Seeing Bill Murray as a 50+ womanizer was kind of a slap for me, cos I suddenly saw myself in his place years from now. And even at its god forsaken slow pace, it kept you hooked, with the promise that something would happen in the end. And then, it ended. Just like that. No conclusions.

*JAB*

I had a multitude of options on how to spend my off day other than watching the movie. The aftereffects of the movie were so bad, I went back to work!

Oh, and if you happen to try the Dettol Cool shower gel, it left a rather cold and tingly feeling on my balls. Like someone who has ice in her mouth swallowing em.

Dear god, that movie isn't right.

ku dikejar bayang-bayang resah,
bila hatimu masih tak berubah,
enggan di punah,
dan di penjara,
belaian cintaku ini….

aku bukan lelaki yang tewas,
bisa meradang walau ku di tolak,
bila di uji, kanan dan kiri
kau kan tetap ku miliki,

tiada lafaz yang lebih agung,
kalimah cintamu,
yang ku tunggu-tunggu,
biar jasadku yang menanggung,
permainan darimu,
rela ku pujuk

janganlah kau salahkan aku,
terus memburu menawan cintamu,
daku percaya…sedikit masa kau
kecundang…akhirnya

usahlah kau bersedih
di hadapanmu aku hadir,
memadam resah dan curiga
dari hatimu…

apa yang kau ingini,
bisa kau tolak dan berlari,
setelah aku…
tanamkan… azimat ku…

tiada lafaz yang lebih agung,
kalimah cintamu,
yang ku tunggu-tunggu,
biar jasadku yang menanggung,
permainan darimu
rela ku pujuk

Spider - Relaku Pujuk.

Yes, it's a malay song. And yes, it's fucking kick ass.

We Need A Resolution.

2006-01-01T00:24:00.000-08:00

Time just seems to travel faster these days. Already we're halfway through the first day of 2006. Alot has happened last year. I hit 30 last year, and for some reason, that alone has seem to have increased my netvalue. And now while I stare into the new year ahead through glazed drunken eyes, it's time to set and not try to break me resolutions for the year.

I suppose the most twisted resolution for me to make this year is :

That I have to make love and not just have sex anymore. Confused? It's quite simple really. I just have to mean it when I do it. Simple? Considering that if I were to say those 3 magic words to anyone, it would sound so much like a lie to me.. definitely not. But it does mean that I gotta settle down already. Or at least try to. Dammit.

The other resolutions are the usual run of the mill ones.

Exercise more so I lose , or at least solidify my bulkiness. >.<

Err. I seem to have run out of ideas. Have I really stopped that many of my vices already? o.O Dammit.

Am I supposed to change? are you supposed to change?
Who should be hurt? who should be blamed?
Am I supposed to change? are you supposed to change?
who should be hurt? who should be ashamed?
Am I supposed to change? are you supposed to change?
who should be hurt? will we remain?
we need a resolution .

Aaliyah - We need a resolution.

Oh, Happy New Year everyone.

Magicked.

2005-09-07T01:46:00.000-07:00

Something for old time's sake.

Name : Rom, Alcoholic Camel.
Casting Cost : RB1
Power/Toughness : 3/5
Sacrifice Rom, Alcoholic Camel : Increase target's intoxicated level by 100%.
BB: If Rom, Alcoholic Camel is in graveryard, return him to play by discarding a card at random.
Flavour Text : You sure you gonna let a huana outdrink you?

Good Morning!

2005-07-19T18:45:00.000-07:00

Note to self: Crazy cold mornings = perky nipples. And I ain't talking about mine here. God I love crazy/cold/mornings. :D

Echoes.

2005-07-10T19:44:00.000-07:00

All the subtle flavours of my life
have become bitter seeds
and poisoned leaves
without you

You represent what's true
I drain the colour from the sky
And turn blue
without you

These arms lack a purpose
Flapping like a humming-bird
I'm nervous 'cause
I'm the left eye
you're the right
Would it not be madness to fight

We come one

In you the song which rights my wrongs
In you the fullness of living
The power to begin again
From right now, in you

We come one

I'm unafraid
never never scared
Worries washed
pressed and aired
I am the left eye
you're the right
Would it not be madness to fight

We come one.

Faithless - We Come One.

I have been absent from the blogging scene for many reasons. The main one being work + World of Warcraft. The other would be a lack of inspiration. My life after all, has finally settled into routine. Work, dinner, work, WoW, work, breakfast, bathe, work. Feel free to insert sleep anywhere within that routine. My off days consist of sleep, and the customary movie session of the week. Occasionally I dabble with my car, have numerous attempts at cleaning the apartment, or actually have dinner with a real life female, or not.

Danny though has gotten my mind going again, as our last talk allowed me to reflect on my past these last 5 years. I turn 30 next month. I don't feel it, but I can't ignore it either. Ten years ago, I was planning my life out; to be married by 26 to the love of my life. I was an idealist. I thought I had everything in the books, except for one thing; I wasn't mature enough for life. Needless to say shit happened, with me being the cause of it most of the time. I crashed myself into a downward spiral that would last for years. And I let so many things go by me again during that phase.

I was blinded by my own self pity that I couldn't see love when it came to me. It seems that all the women that mattered in my life went down the same road; they moved on to KL and got married ( or as married as one can get). My regret, if any, was that the partings were never on good terms. My 'all or nothing' mentality fucked up any chance of a friendship, as much as I long for that now. And life moved on without me during those years.

What's the point of letting all this out now? Think of it as an revelation. There is nothing more for me to hide. No mental prison for me to rot in. Redemption is beyond reach.

All I can say is, I'm sorry.

DULAN!

2005-05-06T10:58:00.000-07:00

It was a good night, but I'm dulan cos blogger wiped my uber long post. So I'll just summarize instead.

Dinner was good and enjoyable.

Kingdom of Heaven rox and Orlando Bloom ain't no Legolas no more. Epic battles, 200,000 Muslims beating the Crusaders to a pulp, the Templars being rightfully potrayed as the Medieval KKK, and the Bishop's classic line of "Let's all just convert to Islam and repent later" .

Our regular mamak got paku'd by 3 chicks in a white iswara while delivering food over to us. He bounced off the bonnet into the windscreen then onto the roof. To add to entertainment factor, the tow truck boys started to beat some KPC huans who tried to cho gau gau.

And the weekend just started too. Whee.

All the problems
Make me wanna go
Like a bad girl
Straight to video
Little darling
Welcome to the show
You're a failure
Played in stereo

Mindless Self Indulgence - Straight To Video.

Bounce.

2005-05-04T10:20:00.000-07:00

It's nice to have a sms telling you that someone's actually thinking about you, kinda good way to end a feel good day really. It's been a while since I've had a rather uneventful day, where even things at work come in moderation.

Come to think of it, even football was good with Chelsea denied their "OMFG WE SO GOOD WE CAN GET THE TREBLE" hopes. Even though it was the dumbest goal I've seen in a while, it still works anyway.

Closed off the morning by FINALLY watching Closer, which kinda sums up what happens when you want to know too much. Too much knowledge will drive you mad, and Natalie Portman is hot. Especially with pink hair. The Doc's "have a coke and a smile " revenge move is oh so familiar, it can dredge up the past if moods were on the downswing.

But since it's been a good day, I enjoyed the movie really. No.Really. I'm not kidding. Okay stop asking me already.

Come to think about it, most topics for the past few days have been about relationships. About the past, the ex-es, the shit gone wrong. It's refreshing to be at a point where things like this can be discussed openly without too much of a rip-your-heart-out-and-slowly-stomp-it-to-death feeling. And no, there wasn't alcohol involved too. Really there wasn't. Stop giving me that look already.

Right. I guess I need to get some sleep. Yes I know it's 10am. Yes I'm actually sleeping proper hours. Okay get off that horse already. Gnite.

Windmill, Windmill for the land.
Learn forever hand in hand
Take it all in on your stride
It is sticking, falling down
Love forever love is free
Let?s turn forever you and me
Windmill, windmill for the land
Is everybody in?

Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc.

Refract.

2005-04-30T12:00:00.000-07:00

It's hard to know where to start really. But then, everything seems to be taken for granted. It's hard to remember, that it's the little things that count more. And many little things there's been, only to be overshadowed by a molehill that shouldn't even be there.

Karma works in many ways; fate cannot be avoided. Even though things could have been different with just the right amount of effort in the opposite direction, karma would still find a way to put the bite in things. What's done is done. Don't dwell on it. By trying to justify the need for mistakes, the ones that were close become the victims of undirected scorn.

But it's okay isn't it? They can always be replaced with others who just would love to shower attention on a battered ego. There's always someone out there to rescue the hapless damsel in distress. Friendship should never be viewed as a bargaining chip, but everyone has a breaking point. There is no regret for effort, but a little thank you would be nice once in a while.

Favors are exactly that. Nothing is expected in return. But just because they are given doesn't mean that it's to be taken for granted. The best has been offer on a silver platter, but effort must be made by the individual as well. How long can one survive on charity before needing to return favors instead? How many people out there are really as good natured as one might think them to be? To be too proud to admit weakness only brings doom and despair.

The ball is out of play now. A new set is to be served maybe? On a different court, with a different player. From what's been seen, maybe a different method of play would be more beneficial? Metaphors from an addled mind indeed.

You don't succeed cause you hesitate
You think we're fly
But we levitate
Just be yourself
Don't ask us why
'Cause if you don't we'll make you fly

You can't be me
I'm a Rock Star
I'm rhyming on the top of a cop car
I'm a rebel and my .44 pops far
It's almost over now
It's almost over now

N.E.R.D. - Rockstar.

Indeed. It's almost over now isn't it.

Dammit.

2005-04-28T11:50:00.000-07:00

Yes I'm horny. I've been (overly) horny for the past 2 days. Work doesn't help much in getting my mind off things since we just installed Playboy Mansion in every machine in the northern outlets. Hugh Hefner the man indeed.

Maybe it's the head cold that's gotten the hormones into overload. Everyone is horny all the time after all, tis only whether or not they dare to admit it. But when you're sick, your lymph nodes have a tendency to just overdo it with the hormones. Maybe it's the body's way of saying, " You need to get it out of yo system f00!"

Right. Maybe.

And no, wanking's not an option >.< At least not at the moment. Might cause erm embarassing situations and all that. Righttttttttttt. The playlist ain't helping much either. Hell, I'm amazing myself with my tolerance level these days. I hope it's not a sign of old age.

Once again, dammit.

Baby, just shake ya ass till you spread on the floor
I noticed that your ass too big for your draws
You need a - a chiropractor just to marry yo ass
To tell the truth you need a tractor just to carry yo ass
Fo reala, you motherfuckers probably think that I'm playing
All bitches love to talk and all that other shit I be saying
And going hmm, see how you putting it down
I love the way you shake it throw it around

Move girl I'll light your ass on fire - I'll light your ass on fire
Move girl I'll light your ass on fire - Bitch I'll light that ass on fire
Move girl I'll light your ass on fire

Busta Rhymes feat Pharell - Light Your Ass On Fire.

The Emancipation of Peepee.

2005-04-27T02:00:00.000-07:00

Right. Just when I was about to blog my mind, Capes hijacks it by showing off his new webcam. It's really quite an interesting model. For it's price, it's certainly doing better than my Logitech at home. And hell lotta cheaper too. Of course, having that new toy just brought out the camwhore in him, and as expected, the session did include the customary nipple shots, light tests, and mooning. If he had someone to teabag he would've. I gotta get me one of them cams, heh.

Anyway, I've been clocking an insane schedule lately. Uber workloads punctuated by a couple hours of sleep in between has become the norm now. And in between that, I had to do the full marathon for the bloody IRS today. Fucktards in the goverment really.
*ding* Please go to the 4th floor. The lift only has like 200 people waiting for it so feel free to use the stairs.

*ding* You will need revenue stamps but our stamping office has closed. Please get them from the nearest post office thank you.

Runs down stairs to the GPO and back.

*ding* You got the stamps? Good. Why didn't you get it verified at the Commissioner of Oaths first? I can't get it stamped if it's not.....

*Runs off to the Commission of Oaths office and back*

*ding* Very good. Now take this up to the 11th floor. Oh, the lifts aren't working by the way. Have a nice day.

*Starts beating Tudungfied counter clerk, then runs up to the 11th floor before the guards realize what's going on.*

*ding* This form is not meant for here. You'll have to take it to the ASNB building in Butterworth.

So tomorrow, I need to cross into the mainland, collect the necessary documents, and then come back and turn them in. Suddenly it sounds like a World of Warcraft quest gone wrong. Dammit.

Oh and I can only get it done AFTER I finish up with Sungai Dua's machines later. So once again, I'm looking at maybe err 2 hours of sleep time if I'm lucky. At least I'm off on Thursday, so that would give me some much needed downtime.

Or maybe not. Come to think of it, I haven't been lucky in a while, so why should it be now?

I needed to believe something
I need you to believe in something
I needed to believe

Chemical Brothers - Believe.

Acowhorelik.

2005-04-24T08:34:00.000-07:00

Karma has once again decided to remind me of her existence. From the most basic reasonings of Cause and Effect, to the anarchic Chaos Theory, karma is simply put, a case of what goes around comes around. The irony of it all indeed.

It's always the little things that matter. Different windows would open and close, all due to timing. For the first time in years, I had a blackout. I guess it's probably due to too many things rolled up into one; pulling 2 12 hr shifts back to back, chain smoking Samporna Fukin As, trying to sooth my really sore throat with Chivas, and not sleeping; just to name a few plausible reasons. Thing is, last time I suffered from blackouts was when I was a realllly heavy drinker. Dammit. Last thing I need these days is a relapse. :P

Anyway, things would have gone so much different if it wasn't for the blackout. How interesting that little details like not bringing the housekeys, or not noticing a miss call, can bring about life altering moments and decisions. Considering that it's 8.30am and I STILL haven't gotten sleep, just stresses the need for me to get this off my mind.

My conscience is killing me, for what may unfold soon. I can't help but feel the slight feeling of fucking up again. Just once though, I'd like a feel good fuck up. Oh well. Wishful thinking indeed. I still feel trapped between my past and limbo. Deja vu sucks.

I wonder if I take you home,
Would you still be in love baby.

Black Eyed Peas - Don't Funk With My Heart.

Sprung.

2005-04-20T19:34:00.000-07:00

It's one thing to have so much control that it can border on stupidity. Already last night's suppering turned into an infamous round table session, thanks to Capes` and Sun's overindulgence in killinkennys. As expected, the numero uno question popped up, as would happen to anyone else in the circle with fresh meat laying around. Stopping Capes cold was just the matter of the right answer, but Sun on the other hand just loves to dig into various layers of infomation; kinda like a mole on a sugar high. As usual, round table sessions would always be kept at the table, but they're still entertaining, regardless of your alcohol level.

It's another thing though to have a hot female who's had too much to drink and to openly admit that she needs some, and to NOT do jack shit cept tuck her in and make sure that she doesn't hurl in her sleep. Which kinda explained her 'dissapearance', prolly due to her being captured by martians and subjected to a body cavity search. Or something to that effect. Not that I don't like drunk sex.

Hell, the last time I had drunk sex, it rocked was so hot, it permanently branded inself into the annals of my memory. Even the slight trigger of that memory just gets errr... nevermind. Bad enough I haven't wanked for weeks. I suppose there's the honourable part in me of not going for the low blow. And all that.

Abd since there wasn't a french maid uniform or cowboy hat involved, that's probably why I decided to instead ship back to work and chalk up 102 honourable kills while stomping their beloved Mill to the ground. At least I get to tangkap meself in the new armour that just screams bondage. Dammit, that's why we end up playing female characters in games like that.

Oh. I hear there's a french maid uniform in there just waiting to be discovered. ;)

But for now,

This shit is bananas,
B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

Gwen Stefani - Hollaback Girl.

Repulsive.

2005-04-20T01:40:00.000-07:00

Is it human nature to be so cruel ? Or maybe I have just become so complacent with life that I'm willing to subject myself to all its deprivation. Karma has a way of working things out. I am not good natured, I am a pushover. As female as this sounds, it sucks being taken for granted at times. At times it's just a case of history repeating. To be taken advantage of the same way again and again. Like a cheap whore that analized and still comes back for more.

Yet this is one of the rare times which I do bitch about it. As they say, have a coke and a smile. I'll be okay. After all, aren't I always? I don't ask for much. Maybe to be treated like a human being would be nice once in a while. Sure I got it all stacked against me; I'm fat. ugly, bespectacled, and have malay blood running through my veins. Oh. And I whine too much too. Sucks to be me innit?

But life goes on regardless. It won't stop me from being me. No matter how repulsive me is. Karma works both ways after all. Kinda the note below, which was found on one of the cars parked outside of the cafe. What goes around comes around after all.

I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibi
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

The Killers - Mr. Brightside.

2005-04-20T01:35:00.000-07:00

Amazing what ads you can find on cars these days.

Scent

2005-04-19T16:30:00.000-07:00

I love your smell on my pillow. It relaxes the mind yet excites the spirit. And entices the imagination.

Attentions killing
But the ride is thrilling
But you can't help going again

What you want is what you don't know
Turn me on and watch your ego
What you want is what you don't need
Stand up when your talking to me

Kylie - Giving You Up

Honestly, how many ways can you girls make a guy nosebleed. >.<

Transplanted.

2005-04-19T09:43:00.000-07:00

Along with part last week's posts from Friendster's failed attempts of a decent blog, I shalt let my seeds continue to spew forth over here instead. And then some. I still can't spend time around the house in nothing anymore. What a lost luxury. The perils of having a hot housemate indeed. Well I suppose it's a good way to end the Monday. French maid and all ;)

Let's see if it gets better today, or will karma come and kick me hard in the nuts ( again).

Long ago
Just like the hearse, you died to get in again
We are so far from you

Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate
The lives of everyone you know
And what's the worst you take, from every heart you break
And like a blade you stain
Well, I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I could say
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long not goodnight

My Chemical Reaction - Helena.

test

2005-04-18T11:21:00.000-07:00

a quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog and promptly got gunned down with his gangta hommies.